Triangle Mamas

I Voted

When Pippi and I walked into our polling place yesterday, I had to laugh. And not because Pippi was wearing plastic princess heels (which she was) or because all the little old ladies in the room were so sweet to her and her weather-inappropriate footwear (which they were). 

I chuckled because of the particular neighbor I recognized sitting at the table working through her ballot. She's a great friend and I love her -- and she's a Republican.

I know, I know -- even liberal ladies like myself have a few conservative friends in the closet. In truth, she and I probably agree on a number of issues, but we tend to live on opposite ends of the political spectrum.

Still, I was happy to see her at the polls. Although I can't really talk politics with this friend because she gets me all worked up and preachy, I still respect her right to vote for the candidates she believes in, even though our ballots probably cancelled each other out in most races.

The reason? Because she's paying attention. She was sitting at the table with her ballot and the newspaper's voter guide, reading through the candidates' information to make her selections. She's not voting straight-ticket out of blind allegiance or (worse) simply not voting but complaining about the way things are -- she's listening to the facts, weighing the debates and making informed choices.

Sure, I wish I could bring her over to my side on more issues -- particularly given the way some of the races turned out. And yes, I'll probably dodge any political debates with her in the near future. 

But I'm still glad she was there to vote. And I trust that all those women who fought so hard for the two of us to have the right to disagree on a ballot would be proud.

An original Triangle Mamas post. Cyndi writes about all sorts of things, including her political soapboxes, at My Convertible Life and @convertiblelife. 

Kid's Summer Stock at the NC Food Bank Update

By Sue

We all know how excited I was when I was asked by the North Carolina Food Bank to be a Media Sponsor for the Kids Summer Stock Social Media Mixer and I hope you have taken the time to read about it and get excited too.

I will be attending with my whole family and I hope to see you there with yours. It will be a fabulous time to mix, mingle and show your support for the people in our community who need our help. In addition to all the warm and fuzzy feelings you will in no doubt feel for just attending, I received an update about some fabulous raffle prizes that you could end up going home with.

• An official NHL Hurricanes hockey puck signed by Cam Ward
• An "I Love Hockey" kids t-shirt signed by the entire Hurricanes team
• A 3-Night stay at Alderhorst; a beautiful mountain cabin near Boone, NC
• A whimsical wooden marble chaser by Whimsy Two
• A beautiful set of jewelry from the Treasure Trove 

Get involved! 

Share the event and experience with your friends on Twitter, Facebook, or your Blog!
 
On Twitter, use the hashtag #SummerStockSocial and on Facebook, share the Social Media Mixer Event Listing

Register Now - Space is limited!

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This is a cross post from Sue Robinson over at Motherhood and Me. You can also find her at Deep South Moms Blog and on Twitter.

Kid's Summer Stock at the NC Food Bank

*This is a cross-post from Sue's personal blog Motherhood and Me

As my son grows, I find myself looking deeper, wondering how I can change to be a better person in order to teach my son that there is good in the world.

How do you do that?

People can go their whole lives bitter, angry and full of hate. How to you even begin to teach your little wide eyed 3 year old boy about how his place in the world can be a peaceful and kind place?

You start small.

You teach him to share his toys with his friends, you teach him to say please and thank you, you teach him patience, respect and hold your breath when you see him interact with the world around him. Holding your breath in hopes that what you worked so hard to teach him is somewhere deep down inside him.

I was so excited when I decided to take this lesson of kindness and the greater good one step further. I had planned to have a food collection on behalf of the North Carolina Food Bank for his 3^rd and my daughter’s 1^st birthday in lieu of gifts. I told him all about how and why we were doing this and tried to get him excited about going to the food bank to make our donation.

He was excited and everything was set until the dark cloud hit our family and I had to cancel their birthday party. I was so sad that our excitement came to a screeching halt, but glad that I had started to plant the seed of awareness in my little man.

Then the email came.

The North Carolina Food Bank contacted me asking me if I would like to be a Media Sponsor for an event they were having to raise awareness about their facility and hunger in North Carolina. I immediately said yes and was so excited to be a part of something bigger than myself again.

II am proud to announce that Motherhood and Me is a media sponsor for the North Carolina Food Bank’s Kids Summer Stock!

The kid’s Summer Stock is an event to raise awareness about hungry kids who fall short during the school summer breaks. Kids that normally rely on two hot meals per day provided by their school’s lunch program are left on their own. Once the school year ends these kids fall through the cracks and don’t get remembered until the school session resumes in the fall.

Please take the time to come and celebrate the gift of giving at the North Carolina Food Bank Warehouse in Raleigh. Show your support by engaging with your local community and donating what you can personally, monetarily and via canned goods.

I will be there with my kids and my husband, so feel free to tap me on the shoulder and say hello!

 

Thursday, June 3, 2010

6:00 pm – 8:30 pm

Food Bank Warehouse in Raleigh

3808 Tarheel Drive
Raleigh, NC (map)

Register now for your free tickets!

Click Here

I hope to see you there!

When Sue isn't trying to change the world with kindness, she can be found at home with her two kids at Motherhood and Me.

These are the People in My Neighborhood

By Abby

My neighborhood is the kind that some outsiders might consider "sketchy". There's a mix of blue collar and white collar. There aren't very many perfectly manicured lawns. There are trash cans not brought back to the house within two hours of pick-up.  There are no covenants dictating they have to be. There are little old ladies with ancient deck furniture on their porch; there are rental places with drive-ways and curbs full of cars; and there's even a crazy cat lady who swore her cat was abducted and murdered (he was hit on the four lane street two blocks away). It's a neighborhood full of older homes- some recently renovated, others still boasting their original pink siding.

This may seem "sketchy" to the casual observer. But if that observer were to stick around for a bit, he'd see that it is more perfect than the little boxes lined up on suburbia's streets. He'd see kids outside playing without the forced interactions of helicopter moms at the park. Kids from all different heritages playing together, playing the imaginative games of our youth. He'd hear a little blonde girl with a distinctly Southern drawl, another girl whose English is an interesting mix of that same Southern drawl and her first language (Spanish). He'd see a group of boys riding their bikes around and around the block. One African-American, one Hispanic, and one who could pass for a Beach Boy. There's the older African-American man who spends his day keeping those well-manicured lawns manicured. Another, a bit older, whose daily activity is to grab his cane and walk to the grocery store.

If the observer would stick around, I like to think he'd see a little slice of America. Not the America some would like to pretend is the real one, but actual America. One where people of various languages, different ethnicities, sexual orientations, various religions, and different incomes all live together without fear. Some nights, that observer, would even be able to smell the real America as the breeze fills with wafts of the vegan chef's kebabs melding with the aroma of tamales made fresh across the street that then dances together with the still bubbly rhubarb pie I've baked.

This is Durham. This is America. This is where I want to live.

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Crossposted at Abby's personal blog My Sweet Babboo.

Move that Bus: Why Neighborhood Schools are a good thing.

By Andrea

I'm going to share my opinion today. Something I don't often do but today I'm going there. I'm going there because I am tired of being marginalized. And I am SICK and tired of being boxed in and grouped in with stereotypical caricatures. I think that any number of people on any given day feels the way I feel, depending on the issue. But today is my day. And in the interest of full-disclosure, I am white. I am female. I am not by American standards wealthy, but I am in the wealthiest 10% of people in the world.

You may or may not know about a local decision that was made in our county. The Wake County School Board has recently decided to end diversity-based busing in favor of community schools. I am neither for OR against this decision. But if I had to lean, I would lean toward FOR. I am telling you this because I am really, SO sick and tired of being marginalized as a Segregationist or an Elitist as many are calling those who support this decision.

If you are against this decision, and that is what you REALLY believe about the opposing opinion, then I can't see how anyone will ever bring change to the table. The Wake County School System as it stands needs serious help. It NEEDS CHANGE. Now, perhaps this isn't the best way, but I think the fact that things are happening is a step in the right direction.

Right now, my home is in a low-income neighborhood. We chose this neighborhood because it was affordable and diverse. The school we are zoned for however, is in an affluent neighborhood and only about 15 minutes away. The school right around the corner will be one of the worst (in terms of poverty) in Wake County with the new plan. So you might ask, WHY then am I for the end to busing?  And I would answer, because this is my community. I want to love it. I live here and if there is a part that is hurting, I want to help fix it. Not shrug my shoulders and send my child to a school in a better neighborhood.

Many children would not be zoned for a school 15 minutes away but an hour or more. And that is NOT acceptable! Children that are riding a bus for several hours each day are NOT reaping the benefits of a better education. They likely will not be able to participate in extra-curricular activities because of the bus schedules, will have LESS time to do homework and will be getting up earlier while potentially getting less sleep than if they were able to attend a community school. The fact that they would be in a school with many different color faces and different sized pocketbooks does not seem like a good enough trade off to me.

I concede that putting an end to busing is not the end all-be all solution to the problem. But it does not a racist make. As concerned parents, we need to let our actions be the guide to what we want for our children. Are we better people by living in gated communities and opening the doors of our schools to the less fortunate while still enjoying our affluence? Or maybe, just maybe, could we disperse into the communities of need and get involved? Could we meet people and love our neighbors instead of shipping them off to be someone else's problem? If my son ends up in our neighborhood school when all is said and done, I want to love that school. Get involved and do my part. It is after all, my responsibility as his mother. If there are communities that need more help, then by all means LET US HELP THEM. To redirect the problem does not solve the brokenness. That requires personal, hands on involvement. And if you ask me, THAT is the conversation we should be having.

This is a cross-post from Andrea's blog, Lil-Kid-Things. Andrea has lived in Raleigh for 12 years and is looking at Local Politics with a new set of eyes since having a son 14 months ago. You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.

***image via flickr commons

Save Project Enlightenment: It Saved My Family

By Ilina

As a parent, we are often reticent to ask for help when we need it. For a mother, that reticence is exponentially amplified because we all struggle to reach the pinnacle of perfection. We too often view motherhood as a destination and forget that it's a journey. With potholes, detours, red lights, construction zones, and speed traps. There's just never a finish line.
And as a culture, that help is hard to find. Wake County offers an amazing FREE service to parents of preschool age children. Free support, counseling, education, resources, and an awesome library. Project Enlightenment. Read on to see how it saved my family. (Cross posted at Dirt & Noise.)

I posted this to Facebook this morning when I read about the drastic cuts proposed for Project Enlightenment:

"My family was in crisis when our son was 3. Not medical or financial crisis. Behavioral crisis. It is no hyperbole that we would not be who and where we are today without Project Enlightenment's support and care. Without those counselors and programs, our son would not be thriving in first grade now. The impact of that experience fixed what was a potential shattered relationship with my son at that tender young age. I'm emotional even harkening back to that time. These programs are not just for those people whose paths you don't cross. "Those people." These programs are for ALL of us. And they work."

---

My fingers quiver on the keyboard as I conjure up the memories of when Bird was 3. He had violent raging temper tantrums. I'm not talking the I-Want-Candy variety. He'd overturn furniture and fling books out of his bookcase in a head spinning rage. He would yell like a banshee and writhe in fits of fury. 15 minutes would pass. Then 30. 40. Most rages lasted 45 minutes to an hour. Full on screaming, flailing, kicking, hitting. Deal was an infant then, cradled snugly in my arms for fear he'd be in the path of Bird's destruction.

Destruction.

Not just his room and his belongings. Our family. Our relationship.

I sat in tears, quaking with stress, worry, fear, resentment. I never knew what would tip the scale to make Bird fly into a tantrum. I tiptoed and spent every waking moment anxiously awaiting the rage to begin. He saved it all up for me. Bird didn't demonstrate this behavior at school. Whatever he corked up at school came gushing out at me. He spewed all his emotional venom and bile upon me. We spent many hours huddled in his room sobbing. Feeling helpless. Alone. Defeated. Guilty. And just terribly sad.

All while tending to an infant.

I was alone. No family support. A husband at a new job.

Bird's tantrums were escalating. It was as if he were possessed. Seriously out of control and a danger to himself. I began to resent this behavior. To resent my own son. Do you know how that feels? I feel ashamed admitting it now. My heads hangs, by whole being awash of guilt. I defied all truths of motherhood; suddenly I was rewriting what unconditional looked like. I loved Bird, of course, but I didn't want to be around him. I didn't want to cater to him and fear him. I wanted to instead protect the sweet baby Deal who was innocent and vulnerable. And yes, easy. Easy to love. Easy to care for. Easy to adore. Then I was swept with such guilt for feeling so that I mentally collapsed.

Once, just once, I slapped my son.

In the midst of one particularly violent rage I slapped Bird across the cheek thinking I could get him to snap out of it. It didn't work. He didn't even take note of my hot hand on his wet cheek. I still feel the sensation of my sweaty shaking palm making contact with his tear streamed soft skin. His face. I literally shake my hand to get rid of the sensation as if it were an EtchASketch. My eyes well with tears and a coal-like lump rises in my throat as I write this. I've never said this before. I never talked about what hell it really was. For all of us.

But that afternoon I called Mac Daddy. I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't fit to be a mother. I was overwhelmed and under supported. In retrospect I am most certain I suffered remnants of undiagnosed and untended-to post partum depression. I was the camel, and my slapping palm was the straw.

We called Project Enlightenment.

Our counselor saved us. Saved me. Saved our son. Saved our relationship. Without the skills and insights and therapy we received....

I'm afraid to even think what might have been.

Project Enlightenment gave us specific tools, words, exercises to manage Bird's tantrums. We learned how to handle anger, fear, anxiety, in him and in ourselves. We learned how the parenting we were a product of made us the parents we were becoming. We learned how to repair what was shattered. Just yesterday I opened my Project Enlightenment file to get a quick refresher on how to teach empathy to my sons.

That file has sat atop my desk for almost four years. Its contents are dog eared and highlighted. Those resources have given me my son back. Project Enlightenment served a need, a desperate need, that no doctor or grandparent or teacher could have filled. Or fixed.

If our counselor at Project Enlightenment hadn't helped us, my resentment toward Bird would have surely escalated. I know this much is true. I find myself still battling it at the times he's particularly difficult or defiant now. My brain takes me back to those fits when he was three, and I think, "Haven't we been through this? Haven't I paid my parenting dues?" But now I know how to change. Now I know what resonates with him. Now I know. The self loathing I have from that time still haunts me. There are times I want to rewind, words I want to retract, steps I want to retrace.

Project Enlightenment, while unable to magically erase or rewrite the past, has enabled us to walk into a shinier future. Hand in hand.

Bird is now a thriving first grader. He has no behavioral or medical or psychological issues. Well, he does pick on his little brother and talks too much in class, but that's all normal, right? My Bird is bright, curious, eager, and awfully funny. He knows he is loved and adored. I still call him my first baby when I kiss him good night. We exchange Eskimo kisses, butterfly kisses, and lip kisses. Then he blows me a kiss from his bed, and I pretend to catch it and put it on my cheek. This is our ritual.

And we have Project Enlightenment to thank.

Join the Facebook Group here.
Send an email to the school board. You'll find their contact information here.
Write to the paper.

Raise your voices, people. Cutting funding for early childhood development and education will prove to be disastrous, and expensive. Our children are an investment, not an expense.

Help Save Project Enlightenment

You might have noticed that many of us here at Triangle Mamas have strong opinions about the new direction of the Wake County School Board. While Triangle Mamas takes no official stance on political matters, our writers are free to hold their own opinions and express them here in a respectful manner.

Today, I received this email from a friend. In the interest of getting the information out quickly, I've simply cut and pasted it here. I hope that if you care about Project Enlightenment, and quite frankly, you should, that you will join us in a push to save the program. We are lucky to have a program such as this in Wake County, and losing it would be a horrible blow to our community.

************************************************************************

Ladies,

I have recently been made aware that a priceless resource in our community is being threatened by budget cuts and I wanted to pass along this information before it is too late to do anything about it.
 
When Owen started pre-school at age 3 his teachers noticed almost immediately that he was having serious social issues.  Jeff and I were asked if we wanted a representative from Project Enlightenment to come and observe him and make recommendations.  They did, and thus began a wonderful, constructive and life altering relationship.  Owen is now a happy 2nd grader with friends: something we really feared might never happen.  Through workshops (for Owen and me), therapy and one-on-one sessions over 2 years (all paid for through our tax dollars) we were able to help Owen learn how to handle himself and Jeff and I were given lessons in how to handle him. We will be forever thankful for this service that we never even knew existed before Owen began having his "issues."
 
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Project Enlightenment: it is an early childhood education and intervention program of the Wake County Public School System, serving teachers and parents of young children, ages birth through kindergarten.  It is very unique and we are one of the few counties in the country to offer such services, though other counties (including Fairfax Va). are using it as a model to start similar programs because of the incredible success of ours.
 
I come from a family of educators, so I have been lectured again and again about the importance of early childhood programs.  Project Enlightenment is everything you could ask for for at-risk children, and all under one roof.  Please check out their web page to see everything they offer.
 
Please see the e-mail below for how we can all help to save P.E.  Unformtualy, we do not have much time.  But there is a form letter and the e-mail addresses of all the School Board members to make it easy if you would like to contact them.
 
Thank you!
Jennifer

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Hi Wake County friends,
 
Elizabeth Jordan (formally of the Justice Center) sent this to me and asked for help in getting e-mails in to the Wake School Board to save this incredible resource.  Please take a moment to see if you could take action on this.  It would be a tremendous loss to children and families if this program is cut as they suggest.
 
Thanks for your consideration!
 
****************************************************************
 
PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, COLLEAGUES, EDUCATORS - ANYONE IN THE TRIANGLE WHO YOU BELIEVE MIGHT BE WILLING TO HELP. ONLY TAKES A MINUTE! THANKS!!!!

The future of Project Enlightenment is being threatened. The Wake County School Board votes THIS TUESDAY, MARCH 2nd on proposed severe budget cuts for this amazing resource in our community. There are 2 easy, effective ways YOU can make a difference:

1 - Participate in Email the Education Board campaign

·  Cut and paste the following paragraph into a new email:

I ask that you support the infants and young children in Wake County by supporting Project Enlightenment and that you NOT cut funding to this vital program. Project Enlightenment is an essential and cost effective part of the Wake County Public School System.   Overwhelming evidence shows the importance of early intervention – providing services to young children with extra needs and their families will save Wake county tax dollars in the long run.  Countless early childhood teachers in our county and beyond have received invaluable training through Project Enlightenment, benefiting countless children enrolled in preschool programs not only today but in the years to come. Please do not cut Project Enlightenment’s funding or services – Wake County’s infants and young children are counting on you.

Feel free to add any additional statements here regarding your personal involvement with Project Enlightenment. Specific examples of ways your family has benefited are great.

·  Sign email with your name, and city, and, if you would like, kids' names and ages

·  Email to school board members -  [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]

2 - Come to the Board of Education meeting - Tuesday, March 2 at 3:00 - Board Room, 2nd Floor (3600 Wake Forest Road, Raleigh, NC 27609 )

It is essential that we have as many people as possible at the meeting. It will be much harder for the Board to make cuts if there is visible public opposition. Individuals interested in speaking during the Public Hearing must sign up at least 10 minutes before the hearing starts and will be given 3 minutes to address the Board and audience.

Project Enlightenment serves all children in Wake County from birth through kindergarten, along with their families and teachers.  Project Enlightenment provides:

• Consulting and developmental screening for children
• Training and education for parents, teachers and other service providers
• A resource center and lending library 
• Parent counseling and a TALKline to assist with any issue – the topics can include anything from potty training and basic discipline to concerns for special needs children
• Demonstration classrooms that serve typically developing, at- risk, and special needs children that demonstrate best practices for teacher training

School Zone

By Cyndi

I have a confession: As the mother of a rising kindergartner, there's a tiny part of me that likes the Wake County School Board's vision of neighborhood schools. My house sits on a one-block street, but there's a line beside my yard that sends my kids to a different school than the kids next door. Our assigned school isn't far, but it's not in our neighborhood, either. I'd love for my children to attend school here, in our neighborhood. We could walk there in 20 minutes, joining with friends to form a daily parade. They would be in school with kids they know, and whose parents I know—a good school that's safe, familiar and stable.

But as a former teacher and a current parent, public education advocate and taxpayer, I cannot support an approach that could lead to resegregated schools, no matter how lovely my personal scenario might seem.

I don't want my children in a school with fewer qualified teachers or high teacher turnover, both of which contribute to instability. And I don't want my children in a school where the PTA struggles to raise funds and find volunteers to support classroom basics. And I don't want my children in a school where students must achieve in spite of the odds stacked against them. Because I don't want these things for my children, I don't want them for any children in Wake County.

These are the things that my research and experience tell me happen in schools overwhelmed by poverty. It's not because poor students are less capable or some other hogwash about poor kids needing to sit beside rich kids in order to learn. Students in poverty simply face so many additional challenges that work against their success. The neighborhoods in Wake County aren't different than those in much of the country—by and large, they're sorted by socioeconomic status, meaning a neighborhood approach to student assignment will create a system of haves and have-nots in our schools.

When my son starts kindergarten later this year, he and I won't care whether he's sitting next to the child of a millionaire or a child whose parents struggle to put food on the table each night. What will matter to us is knowing that he is in a safe, nurturing school environment, that he has dedicated teachers with the experience and enthusiasm to help children learn, and that he and his classmates can grow together as they explore the world around them. I support policies that help make those things happen at every school in every town across Wake County, not just in "the right neighborhoods" or in those that managed to defy some odds.

Like many parents, I wrestle with making decisions in the best interest of my own children. But our teachers, administrators and elected officials don't have the luxury of focusing on a few children. The law requires them to do what is in the best interest of all children, regardless of what neighborhood they live in or who their parents are—even if it means my kids won't be walking to school.

This post was first published in the "Front Porch" section of The Independent Weekly. When Cyndi isn't soapboxing about the public schools in print, she can be found writing online about kids, books, music, food and other random things at My Convertible Life (the blog formerly known as Junius & Pippi Take the Cake).

Election Day: Local Elections Matter

I'm going to keep this one short so you can take the time to check out the links here.

This Tuesday, October 6, is election day. Municipal elections don't get much media attention or ad spend, but they are critical to our local way of life. I admittedly bust a move on national elections and can lose sight of what happens in my own backyard. However, now that I am a mother of an elementary age son, I view my world a bit differently. Don't get me wrong, I always vote, no matter how "big" or "small" the race. I love to vote and cherish my right to do so. Since my boys have been born I have taken them with me to the polls, whether nestled into the baby carrier, strapped into the stroller, or walking hand in hand. I even let my then-five-year old fill out the ballot for the presidential election in 2008. Voting is a civic responsibility and honor that won't go unnoticed in my household.

This Tuesday we vote for important local offices. In Wake County we are voting on candidates for school board, mayor of Raleigh, and city council. Cary and Durham have city council races (Primary in Durham with the election November 3). These are the people whose legislation and policies directly affect our lives - schools, zoning, budgets, trash collection, recycling, public transportation, use of public space, green space, parks and recreation, public safety (police and fire) and a whole slew of other responsibilities. In a word, these elected officials matter. To all of us.

And please allow me a sidebar here: Just because I didn't have kids in public school before doesn't mean I didn't vote. All these issues, arguably education especially, affect us all.

So do me, and you, a favor. Please go vote on Tuesday. And have a look at the voter's guide here for more information. Voting is a right we take for granted. Make good use of your right on Tuesday, October 6.

Wake County Voter Information

Durham County Voter Information

And on November 3, there are elections in Durham, Angier, Apex, Fuquay-Varina, Garner, Holly Springs, Knightdale, Morrisville, Rolesville, Wake Forest, Wendell and Zebulon.

As for me, you'll see me at the polls on Tuesday with my two sons in tow. Because I'll be volunteering at the polls all day for Kids Voting, you won't see me in my normal election day partisan attire. But I'll be sporting a Kids Voting T-shirt, proudly supporting an organization that brings our civic process to life in and out of the classroom.

Ilina blogs at Dirt & Noise, where she unleashes her political fury when she's not waxing about her boys' latest mischief or sharing a cocktail recipe on her weekly 5:00 Fridays post.

The Public's Schools

I have a confession to make: As the mother of a rising kindergartner, there's a tiny part of me that hopes all the "neighborhood schools" candidates get elected to the Wake County Board of Education on Oct. 6. You see, as a mom, I'd really love for my son (and, in a few more years, my daughter) to attend the elementary school in our neighborhood.

What's not to love? We could walk to school in 20 minutes, joining with our friends along the way to form a daily elementary school parade. He would be in school with kids he knows, whose parents I know. He'd be at a "good" school that's safe, familiar, stable and on a traditional calendar. Norman Rockwell himself would probably want to paint a picture of it all.

Even before I became a mom, I couldn't fault the parents who complain about (and then form yet another group to fight) annual reassignments that resulted in instability, uncertainty and sometimes long drives for families around the county. Now that I am a mom, I understand their concerns in a whole new way.

But I know too much. I am more than a mom -- a former teacher, a public education advocate, a citizen, a taxpayer -- and I cannot in good conscience support an approach that will lead to the re-segregation of schools, no matter how lovely my personal scenario might seem through the eyes of motherhood.

As a parent, my job is to do what is in the best interest of my own child. But the teachers, administrators and elected officials in our community? Their job is to do what is in the best interest of ALL children, regardless of what neighborhood they live in or who their parents are.

There are plenty of arguments on all sides of the debate around "supporting diverse schools" or "supporting neighborhood schools" (which aren't mutually exclusive in theory, but generally are opposites in practice). I don't have the time or energy or clarity of thought to wade through them all. But here are few things that, from research and personal experience, I know to be true:

• Schools with high concentrations of poverty have a harder time being successful than schools with fewer low-income students. It's not some kind of hogwash about having poor kids sit next to rich kids so they can learn better. It's simply that students living in poverty, no matter how smart they are, come with additional challenges (like being hungry or not having adequate health care or having a single parent who can't be home much because she's working two jobs) that schools must try to address.
• Schools with high concentrations of poverty tend to have higher rates of teacher turnover because they're tougher places to teach. That usually means more teachers with less experience and a general instability within the school culture, which means that teachers suffer and students suffer. And that's all students in the school, not just the poor ones. Studies suggest that students in poor and minority schools are twice as likely to have an inexperienced teacher and are 61 percent more likely to be assigned an uncertified teacher.
• Advocates for a "neighborhood schools" approach who claim that additional funding will be given to schools in poor neighborhoods to help them overcome their challenges are full of crap. Particularly in today's world of slashed budgets, the money won't be there -- or if it does come, it won't last long. And, unless you're Geoffrey Canada in the Harlem Children's Zone, it won't be enough to make a difference.
• Wake County's diversity policy is imperfect -- and I think the district sometimes does a poor job of implementing the policy, leaving families feeling ignored and snubbed -- but maintaining integrated schools is the right goal. The district is not "out to get" anyone and derives no pleasure from disrupting parents' vision of how school should be. They are simply wrestling with making the best decisions they can in support of the nearly 140,000 students in the district.

As for the election on Oct. 6, unfortunately I don't get to vote because I don't live in one of the districts on this year's ballot. If you are eligible to vote, I certainly don't presume to tell you who to vote for and am not endorsing any candidates. But I hope that, regardless of where you live, you'll consider that, as parents, we have the luxury making decisions based on our own children. Our school districts must consider all the children at once.

* * *

If you'd like more information the role of diversity in maintaining healthy public schools, read Making Choices, a report I co-wrote in 2003 when I worked at Wake Education Partnership, or Striking a Balance, a 2008 report from the same organization. And feel free to comment, argue, debate -- just please be polite about it.

When Cyndi climbs down from her soapbox, she can be found blogging at Junius & Pippi Take the Cake.