Triangle Mamas

Roller Girl Dreams

by Sue

I have this reoccurring dream.

It’s rainy, it’s dark, and the kids and I have been stuck inside all day getting on each other’s nerves.

I have finished the dishes, the laundry, have given the kids their baths and got them ready for bed. With each household chore I accomplish I can feel the tension building in my body.

My husband walks through the door, I give him a kiss and say “Their all yours.”

I skip out the door and feel the freedom on my skin. I arrive at my destination with all the tension in my body still rising, knowing that relief is just a few moments away.

I change my clothes and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I feel a level of tension leave my body. I smile at myself as I walk out under the bright lights.

“Let’s do this.” I whisper to myself.

The rest of the dream proceeds the same every time. I have left my house a tired, overstress stay-at-home mother and wife and morph into this badass motherf*@#!r of a roller derby girl.

I spend the next hour or so rolling away my stress, having fun, bonding with my friends and most importantly, kicking some booty.

Ahhhh…this dream makes me smile. I wish, wish, wish it could become a reality, but let’s face it, I am not that cool. Roller Derby? Hell yeah roller derby!

Have you seen these chicks? They are tough, beautiful, strong, fearless and not afraid to show it.
Roller Derby is my secret fantasy. If I were young/lame enough to go onto MTV’s Made, I would ask to be "made" into a kick-ass roller derby player.

Now to be honest, I don’t know much about roller derby, but this has been a secret fantasy of mine for a while now. I totally fall for all that cheesy girl power crap every time.

I drink out of a Wonder Woman mug every morning for Pete’s sake.

I think it is because it is the polar opposite of how I am on a daily basis. I have my real life where I am a mom and wife first and Sue second.

I miss the days when I was able to work out hard, when I wanted and how I wanted. I used to be immersed in Tae Kwon Do and Kickboxing and not afraid to put myself out there and learn new things.
Now for the first time in my life I feel meek, detached from my new body, the body that motherhood has given. I no longer hold my head up high as I walk and almost feel betrayed by the strength I used to posses.

Could I make this a reality? Maybe? I did however, contact the Carolina Roller Girls to get more information about how try outs work and when and where they occur.

Am I crazy?

Possibly, but I think it would be worth it to at least go see the Carolina Roller Girls in action. If I like what I see and don’t think the girls are too scary, maybe it will motivate me to get my strength back.

Do you have an alter ego you wish you could live out?

For now I will live vicariously through my dreams. Besides, it is fun to come up with what my roller derby name would be.

When Sue isn't dreaming of banging heads, she blogs at Motherhood 'n' Me. You can follow her on Twitter.

Didn't you know they sell magic at Target?

It was one of those my baby is so cranky we will both explode if we stay inside kind of days. My son, Oscar has been waking up early from his afternoon naps which results in an earlier bedtime. This of course means we all get up at the crack of dawn and the cycle repeats. So, I thought we would go for a nice long stroll at North Hills. We started at Chick-Fil-A, because 1) Ahem, we live in North Carolina, and 2)They were doing a food drive for free sandwiches. 

I'll trade my cans of Tuna for a chicken sandwich ALL DAY LONG. 

And can I stop right there and talk about how I LOVE that little fake grassy area outside at North Hills? I never understood why they didn't just put real grass there. I mean I guess it is easier to maintain. But it always seemed odd to me that there was astro-turf outside. However, now that I am the mom of a very curious crawler, I thank the Lord for synthetic nature! I can let him crawl and roll around to his heart's content. And crawl he did! It was a beautiful day. 

We walked around the plaza for a bit and headed back down to our parking spot, conveniently located next to Target. OK fine, you're twisting my arm, I'll go inside the store! I grabbed a couple super cheap items for myself off the clearance rack (because nothing in my current wardrobe cost more than $3.74) and headed for the Cheerios. At this point Oscar was starting to get cranky and I realized we were almost an hour past nap time. He had been really good and my plan was working, so we walked toward the checkout. 

Just then, in the home section I heard the loveliest music-box rendition of Jingle Bells and I had to find it. Lo and Behold there was a snow globe with a reindeer inside and the music was playing. I shook it and thought, I bet Oscar would think this is neat. I leaned down and wound it up and shook the globe and there he sat, absolutely entranced. His eyes lit up and he was tracing each little snow flake with his fingers. We looked at a few more, each with their own Christmas Carol and it occurred to me that even though I have known this is his first Christmas, I hadn't really considered what it would be like for HIM. He is the perfect age to really have fun with it and for the first time, I understood why parents get so into the holidays. It's not about the latest greatest toy. It's about the magic! Watching his eyes get wide and excited was just about the best thing in the world. I can't wait to create that magic for him as the holidays draw near. That day, I found magic at Target. And yes, this December Oscar will be unwrapping his very own snow globe.

An original Triangle Mamas post. When Andrea is not getting all mushy in the home goods aisle, she can be found blogging at Lil-Kid-Things or gabbing away on Twitter. 

How I Ended Up Here in the Triangle

Being a mom is so full of emotions. But is there such a thing as mommy logic? Because that’s how I landed here in the Triangle.

I grew up in the South. First, Tennessee then South Carolina (where I went to high school and college). And then, my hubby and I made a mad, illogical dash 1,975 miles away to Phoenix, Arizona. He had just finished grad school and almost moved to Arizona years earlier for undergrad (luckily he didn’t because we never would have met). I always had an obsession with the Grand Canyon, even though the closest I had been was, well, Alabama.

It didn’t seem logical to most people we knew. We didn’t know anyone there (except a distant second cousin of my husband’s who he’d met as a kid), we had no jobs to move for, and, well, it was all the way across the flippin’ country! 

But with no house to sell, no dogs or kids to consider and a heavy dose of adventure pumping through our veins, it made sense to us.

Five years, one dog, one baby and ten trips to the Grand Canyon later, a little dose of mommy logic started settling in. We ADORED our quaint home in southern Scottsdale, the insanely good restaurants, the beautiful places to hike and our newest friends. But at what sacrifice? Our little one saw his grandparents once or twice a year. I once went THREE years without seeing one of my sisters. Plane trips would only get pricier as the little one got older. 

And the list went on.

The thought of moving back to the South hung in the back of my mind for months and months. Every milestone the kiddo hit kicked it up a notch. And then, fate struck.

I had been working at a job I loved but was looking for something a little less chaotic. One day at a marketing society event I sat next to a lady who started playing 20 questions with me. Next thing I know she tells me there’s a job I’d be PERFECT for and - get this - they are relocating to the South (Raleigh to be exact) in six months and paying for relocation. Did I really just hear that right?

And that’s when that mommy logic hit me full force. I was emotionally attached to Arizona but it just didn’t make sense anymore. And here, before me, was an opportunity to have a company PAY me to move closer to family, closer to family birthday parties, closer to the little one actually knowing his cousins instead of seeing them once a year. 

Closer.

It wasn’t because I knew all the great things about Raleigh (I really didn’t other than research). Not because of the weather. Not because the Triangle is a technology mecca. It was because it made sense as a mama who wanted the best for her family. And maybe that’s part emotion too but at the time, it was pure facts, pure logic. Moving back to this side of the country meant we could have X, Y and Z. Living out west meant we could not.

And so we did it. We packed up and moved. From the place our son was born... to the place he’ll grow up.

It’s been over a year now and, despite some struggles, we’re officially settled in. In fact, we’re so settled we thought we’d grow the family a bit so my second boy is due next March. We’ve built a new group of friends, discovered fun places to hike and enjoyed some great Triangle restaurants. The types of things that emotionally attached us to Arizona. But now, I’ve got something bigger than I ever had while living nearly 2,000 miles away. I have a certain comfort knowing that this is the right place for us. 

Six years ago it wasn’t. Today it is. And that makes perfect sense.

Emotion led us away from the South and mommy logic moved us back. Glad to be here.

Original post by Melissa, who loves Sephora every bit as much as REI. When she’s not contemplating what having two boys will do to her life expectancy, she can be found blogging about kids and the outdoors at adventuroo.com.

Bliss in the Bull City

by Kelly

Unlike most people that I know in the Triangle, I can say that I spent most of my life growing up here, in Chapel Hill to be exact.  It’s often hard to believe that it was 23 years ago that my family picked up all it’s “Yankee” roots & headed down here from Connecticut.  So, you can imagine how surprised I was when I met my now husband & found out that not only was he a Durham, NC native, but his parents were as well – a rare find in this area.

Needless to say, I was a footloose & fancy free teenager finishing her first year of college at East Carolina University when I met my husband.  We were both eighteen, but he was just graduating high school.  It was during the summer of 1996 that we dated & both had what we thought would be a “summer fling,” if you will.  I’ll admit, my friends were a bit skeptical upon meeting Seth – growing up in NC he was a bit of a clean cut, country boy, and not the typical guy I might have dated.   I was very much a “wild child,” with an unusual sense of fashion, a love of jam band music & a fondness for grungy boys.  But, something about this guy was different & 13 years & one child later I couldn’t be happier.  We often refer to ourselves as ‘Dharma & Greg’ – the years have changed us a bit, but my husband it still the picture of maturity & responsibility, while I am still very much a dreamer & a kid at heart.

He is the reason that we now live in Durham, and that I have such a love & appreciation for NC.  A common thread between us is a love of the great outdoors – camping, hiking, backpacking, boating, cycling – we have experienced the best that NC has to offer. While we have not gone camping yet with our 2 ½ year old son Wyatt, we talk about it often & wonder which favorite spot in NC we will revisit with him in tow.  Living in the Triangle allows you to get to the Smoky Mountains or the Crystal Coast with the ease of a 3-4 hour trip.  Couple with that the fact that our closest friends, my sister, brother, parents & in-laws all live within 15 minutes of us, and we rarely complain about not getting a night to ourselves.

When Kelly is not reminiscing about her college days, she can usually be found chasing after her toddler son Wyatt, and blogging about it at Monkey Man, if she hasn't run out of steam at the end of the day.

My Home State

Unlike many people living in the Triangle, I didn’t get transferred here from another state or end up here by accident on my way someplace else. I chose this place for my home.

I’m a nearly-born and totally-raised North Carolinian – my parents were living in Pittsburgh when I was born, but I was still a baby when we moved to Greensboro, so I hardly think I qualify as a Yankee. Since then, I’ve lived in Greensboro two more times plus Hickory, Chapel Hill (twice), Charlotte, Durham and Raleigh (twice). I’m thinking I should get retirement homes in Murphy and Manteo (or maybe Asheville and Wilmington) just to feel like I’ve really covered the state.

Equally unusual is that my husband is also a native – born and raised in Winston-Salem, although he wandered the country a bit before finding me in Chapel Hill (the second time around). When we married, we agreed that North Carolina was our home – that even if we wandered some first, our family would live and grow here.

It hasn’t always been the easiest choice. We’ve both lived in other states and other countries, so we know there are fun and beautiful and interesting places to be outside the Old North State. And good jobs in public relations are tough to find here – we could make more money and have better opportunities in big cities like Chicago or New York.

But we knew we would miss the beach and the barbecue and the warm October nights – and we’d end up blowing all that extra money on plane tickets just trying to get back home.

It’s like the old television jingle used to sing, “I like calling North Carolina home.” And I expect I always will.

An original Triangle Mamas post.  When Cyndi isn't busy eating Krispy Kreme and watching Tar Heel basketball with her husband and their two children, she can be found blogging at Junius & Pippi Take the Cake.

New mama on board

When people ask me where I’m from, I usually tell them that my husband Dan and I moved here from D.C. about three years ago.  Before that, we lived in Baltimore, where we went to college, met, and married.  But I grew up in Oregon, in a town nestled between three mountain ranges, Pacific saltwater in my veins.  It’s been almost ten years since I left the northwest, and a part of me will always think of it as home.

As for the Triangle - let’s just say we’re a work in progress.

Before our move to Durham, we were living in a sprawling apartment complex in one of the suburbs of D.C.  Dan had an hour-long commute to work; mine - on transportation ranging from the commuter rail to the subway, from metro bus to foot - was an hour and a half.  Days were long and stressful; we felt as though we never had time to relax or pursue other interests.  We spent many sleepless nights trying to ignore the shouts and yells coming from the Motel 6 parking lot behind our building.  I guess by comparison, the life of a graduate student and spouse in Durham, North Carolina sounded kind of nice.  Peaceful (if impoverished).  So when Dan was accepted to a PhD program at Duke, and the nonprofit organization for which I worked told me I could keep my job and telecommute from North Carolina, I said, Okay, sure, let’s go.

But alas, Durham and I never enjoyed a blissful honeymoon period.  I hesitate to point fingers, but it was really all my husband’s fault for insisting that we keep our second vehicle, a sketchy old Ford Tempo given to me by a friend for a dollar in 2003 (that’s about $500 now, for those of you who used to have investments).  I thought the Tempo probably wasn’t up for the drive to North Carolina in the high heat of summer, so we rented a trailer to tow it behind our Budget moving truck.  The trailer blew a tire on the Beltway, barely an hour into our journey, and we waited for five hours in hundred-degree heat for someone to come fix the tire, only to find that he’d brought the wrong size tire.  So much pain and suffering, for a car I hadn’t even wanted to keep.  As it was, we did finally manage to get all our vehicles and possessions to North Carolina, but the trailer never made it, Budget refused to refund us any money, and the moving caravan took an astonishing twelve hours from start to finish. 

We pulled into Durham sometime after midnight on Moving Day (properly, the day after Moving Day), and I thought, ugh, welcome “home.” A mere day later, during a late summer storm - it wasn’t even a big storm - a tree in our front yard fell on the Tempo, smashing in the roof. 

As any sane person would, I took this as an omen.  A sign from God that we never, ever should have moved here.

Things have improved a bit since then, thankfully.  Earlier this year Dan and I welcomed our beautiful daughter Abigail - our first and only child so far - who was born at the birth center in Chapel Hill.  She just turned eight months old, and is a busy, happy, extremely particular little drama queen who terrorizes our cats and makes life far more interesting than it used to be.

But the truth is, while I love my new life as Abby’s mama, I am still getting used to life in the Triangle.  I still find myself brought up short by things I ought to be used to by now - the heat and humidity, the nonexistent winter, the coffee shops that close too early, the sheer size of the towns here and how far apart they are, Durham’s bizarre freeway system.  I still feel as though I don’t know enough people, I’m not plugged in to all the cool local things to do, I’m missing some magical key that could unlock all the hidden mysteries in the Triangle and fill me with that feeling, that sense of homecoming.  I want to learn more about the area, and introduce my daughter - now eight months old - to its many opportunities.  I’m just not quite sure where to look first.

That’s why I’m so thrilled that Marty asked me to be a contributor here at Triangle Mamas.  Since we can’t hire a baby-sitter every night, I need to trade in some of my favorite late-night activities - shows, concerts, late movies - for family-friendly daytime ones. I’m highly motivated to seek out new friends and new experiences in this community, to make it more real, to make it my home.

Sure, I’ve been here for three years already.  But having a baby really does change everything; it gives you a new lease on life, a new excuse to explore your community, new eyes with which to view your world.  My eyes, like my daughter Abigail’s, are wide open.  I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you, benefiting from your wisdom, sharing my own mama stories, and making new memories in this, my new home.

An original Triangle Mamas post. Nikki is mother to the amazing Abigail and a free-lance writer who also blogs at A Small Song.