Triangle Mamas

Why My Boobies Are Happier Breastfeeding the Second Time Around

by Melissa

If there’s one thing motherhood does, it’s give women a free pass to talk about poop, pee, va-jay-jays and boobies without even flinching. With a three year old and a one MONTH old in our house, all of these topics are discussed daily (well, maybe not va-jay-jays). However, it’s the last one that’s compelled me enough to make a blog post. And it has to do with the night and day difference in breastfeeding this time around.

For all of you moms who got the shock of your life when you discovered breastfeeding isn’t all rainbows and fairy princesses, have some hope.

Before Big Roo was born, I had this glorified, delusional image of how easy breastfeeding would be. It's natural so it must be easy, right? I confidently proclaimed to anyone who asked that I planned to breastfeed exclusively for at least six months. I wish someone would clued me in on the little secret. The reality was not so simple. After three months of stabbing knives to my boobs, endless pumping and exhaustion, I admitted defeat and switched to formula. 

Fast forward to today. I've been breastfeeding for a month now with Little Roo and it's such a drastic difference that I'm almost in shock. I've been trying to pinpoint exactly WHY this time is so much easier. After some noodling, I came up with four reasons breastfeeding the second time around is a (mostly) enjoyable experience thus far: 

I Had a Superfabulous Lactation Consultant at the Hospital 

Boobs, meet baby. Baby, meet your source for breakfast, lunch, dinner, fourthmeal and snacktimes.

But when babies are born, they don't always know exactly what to do. That's why I found the lactation consultant from the hospital to be immensely helpful in kickstarting the breastfeeding bonanza. 

When Big Roo was born, I remember looking forward to the lactation consultant coming to see me. I had just had a C-section and wasn't even sure of the best way to hold him to nurse. But the consultant was kinda harsh. She shoved Big Roo into position with matter-of-fact "look, this is all you have to do" attitude. I felt like a rag doll… but one with boobs to grab and shove into the baby's mouth. While I soon realized breastfeeding wasn't necessarily "gentle" all the time, I just felt like she was all business- come in, show me what to do, then leave. No empathy, no patience and few tips.

The lactation consultant this time around rocked. She was full of information, tips and most of all, patience. She came to see me when Little Roo was a mere four hours old and stayed with us for almost an hour. She showed me what to do, then let me try for myself as she popped out tip after tip. I watched Little Roo as he tried to latch on. He was making the right moves but struggling to actually latch and suck. 

Just when I was starting to get worried that he wasn't "getting it," she assured me that he was doing great for being a few hours old. She pointed out the things he was doing right which eased my mind. When he finally latched, she pointed out how his body was perfectly aligned to mine, how his mouth was positioned right and all the other things to look for next time I nursed him sans her help. The consultant also showed me what to look for when he was doing it wrong (which definitely happened). 

When she left, I really felt like I could do this! For reassurance, I had her come back twice over the next couple of days to ask questions and have her check Little Roo's latch and positioning while I was nursing. It was just the confidence boost I needed.

Although I haven't needed it yet, I won't hesitate to call a lactation consultant if I have any issues. It's OKAY to ask for help. If you don't feel comfortable with the consultant you have, then find another one pronto! This is your starting point for months or even years of breastfeeding so there's no mediocrity allowed.

I Know What to Do With My Magic Lady Body

Okay, so I can't take credit for that fabulous terminology (after you finish this article, go read this one called "Moms Gone Wired." This girl's writing will knock your socks off.)  But three years ago, when I was a first-time mom learning to breastfeed, I didn't really know what to do. I devoutly read the week-by-week development articles and took a four-week childbirth class. However, I naively thought that breastfeeding would just happen naturally so I didn't put any effort into "learning" how to breastfeed.

Imagine my shock when Big Roo was five days old and I woke up with a sore, hot boob and a temperature of 102 degrees! Helloooo mastitis! Of course, I didn't know what mastitis even was until I placed a call to the doctor. But holy crap, that was the worst part of my entire postpartum experiene. 

After that healed, I still had sore, cracked nipples nearly all the time. My boobs leaked like Niagara Falls. And once I broke down in tears when blood made its way into my my pumped breastmilk. While I didn't quite give up (yet), I unintentionally went into masochist mode. I didn't really know nearly all my problems were due to a bad latch. I assumed the stabbing knifes I felt every time I breastfed were part of toughening those puppies up! I also made things worse when my boobs got engorged because I didn't want to nurse him at that point. Oh the pain I put myself through.

This time around, there's still some soreness and the occasional cracked nipple but now that I know what to look for, I've been able to curb many of the issues before they even start. I know to pump if I get too engorged for Little Roo to latch. If I notice hard spots, I know to massage them out while nursing so I don't get clogged ducts. I know to make Little Roo re-latch if he's sucking wrong even if it ticks him off. 

In addition to physically knowing what to do, I'm also more mentally prepared. I accept- no, embrace- the fact that my body is a machine. In all honesty, it goes to show what a miracle our bodies are… but I didn't see it like that last time. It seems that now I don't mind the "work" that comes with breastfeeding as much. I know the middle of the night feedings, sore nipples, limited caffeine intake, etc won't last forever. I'll be able to laugh it off if I leak in public instead of freak out. I'm enjoying the bonding time instead of wondering where the hell the body from my past life ran off to.

I Bought and Borrowed the Right Supplies

While our mothers may scoff ("we didn't have all that stuff when *I* breastfed years ago. I also walked 10 miles in the snow to school."), I found that breastfeeding is tons easier when you've got the right supplies. Last time, I had a few of current-day must-haves - a Boppy, a breastpump (if you plan to bottle feed), nursing pads and nursing bras. This time, I went a step further. Nursing shirts (especially tank tops) put my boobies in easy reach… ideal when you have a shrieking baby doing his best impression of a desperately hungry baby bird. 

A close friend gave me a really cute nursing cover too. It's already come in handy a few times while out in public. I also purchased a hands-free pumping bra-- it looks hilarious when it's on but it keeps those suckers in place so I can be the multitasking queen that I am. And I don't even know if the hydrogel pads existing three years ago but what a freaking relief those are for soreness. 

While none of these are NECESSARY, they sure make this breastfeeding life a helluva lot easier.

I Released Myself from the Self-Induced Quarantine

For some reason, last go around I was a glutton for punishment. Breastfeeding meant holing myself up in my house. I always fed Big Roo from a bottle when in public. At home, I nursed him behind closed doors when friends or family were there instead of using a nursing cover and enjoying the company. When I pumped milk, I'd quarantine myself to the glider in Big Roo's room… away from Daddy Roo, the TV or anything remotely stimulating. 

Due to the pain and uncertainty of my ability to breastfeed, I didn't feel comfortable enough to just go with it. It made me frustrated. I got sick of being a slave to the boobs.

But this time, I realize I don't need to camp out behind a closed door to breastfeed. If he needs to eat while I'm out, I carry my nursing cover. I pump in the living room in front of the TV or while chatting with the hubs. I nurse in front of friends during playdates instead of hide out in my room. I'm more comfortable being a mommy (had three years of practice, right?) and I'm more comfortable breastfeeding.

Bonus! My iPhone

Yep, my iPhone is one of the things that makes breastfeeding easier. How exactly? Well, first I downloaded this free app called BabyBix to track my breastfeeding. I simply hit a button that says "Left Side" and it starts tracking Little Roo's feeding. It's magic! At night, I don't have to flubber around in the dark for a pen and paper to track his feedings. While I may not always need to write this stuff down, in these early days I can hardly remember which side I started feeding him on just a few hours before. 

Oh, I can even track how many ounces I pump a day. The BabyBix app also comes in handy when I'm off running an errand. When did I feed him last? Just check the app and I know about how much time's left ticking before I need to feed.

The other thing I love about my iPhone is keeping myself busy during the nighttime feedings. I try to be all business with Little Roo at our night feedings so he quickly goes back to sleep. So while I feed him in the dark of night, I check Facebook, play Words with Friends, read the latest news and browse Twitter.

So, I'm only a few weeks into my breastfeeding experience round deux. So far, it's happy boobies= happy baby= blissfully happy mama. And maybe a rainbow too.

What's your best breastfeeding tip? Was there anything that was different the second time around? Or that you learned from your first child?

Original post by Melissa, breastfeeding ninja. When she's not breastfeeding or chasing a three year old around, she's blogging about motherhood and the great outdoors at adventuroo.com.

The Little Things

by Cyndi

When my first-born was about 6 weeks old, my BFF (who already had two children of her own) came up from Atlanta for a visit. In addition to offering me her shoulder to cry on (who knew motherhood was so exhausting?!) and her wonderful, wise company, she also gave me a most important gift -- she taught me the importance of knowing the best to places to shop when you have a nursing baby.

While she was in town, we went to the mall -- I'm not much of a mall-shopper, but I was desperate to learn how to leave my house with the new baby without having a total meltdown (and I mean, me melting down, not the baby). Together, we figured out which department stores had bathrooms with a lounge area and which shops didn't give the stink-eye when we sat in the changing rooms for a baby snack. Those stores quickly became the only places I went when I needed to shop in those early, scary, newborn months.

As Junius got older and we added Pippi to the mix, my needs have changed over time -- these days I don't worry about a place to nurse, but I am always on the lookout for shops with family-friendly bathrooms. With one child in diapers and one potty-trained, we need a little of everything on a good potty break.

Today, while having a much-needed lunch with a friend, I discovered an impressive little family touch in the ladies' room at Bruegger's Bagels in Ridge Road Shopping Center -- the "invisible" potty seat. It's one of those three part toilet seats with a regular seat, a kid-sized seat and a lid all on one hinge (see photo). It's a small change, but a big deal for a new potty-trainee whose tushie would fall through the regular-size seat. Even thought I was there sans-kiddos, I was still thrilled to see the attention to detail.

In a time when families can feel more than unwelcome in some stores (see the Michigan Target store that called the police about a breast-feeding mom earlier this month -- although to be fair, the family bathroom at the North Hills Target is always clean and easy for potty breaks), it's nice to see a business taking steps to make families comfortable.

Share your tips here -- what are your favorite family-friendly places in the Triangle?

When Cyndi isn't scoping out public restrooms, she can be found chasing her two children (ages 4.5 and almost 2) or writing at Junius & Pippi Take the Cake.

Image from Amazon.com.

Breastfeeding Cafe

Although something about the name makes me giggle, there's a cool new thing going on in Wake County. La Leche League will be hosting a breastfeeding cafe every Friday at the Itsy Bitsy Baby Spa in Cary. Here are the details:

"Announcing the brand new LLL Breastfeeding Café! Drop in any Friday at
lunch to have all your breastfeeding questions answered at no cost by
La Leche League breastfeeding counselors. All women are welcome, with
or without your babies and pregnant women are especially encouraged to
attend. Please feel free to bring your lunch.

What: an informal drop-in meeting where breastfeeding questions can be
answered and women can meet other breastfeeding moms. Feel free to
bring your lunch, or purchase something at Panera Bread next door.

When: every Friday 12:00 noon to 1:30 p.m.

Where: Itsy Bitsy Baby Spa, 1055 Darrington Dr., Cary (at the
intersection of James Jackson and Cary Parkway, next to Panera Bread)

Who: Pregnant women, breastfeeding women, any women with breastfeeding
questions, and babies.

Cost: Free!"

My experience with La Leche League has been mostly positive once I found the Raleigh Downtown group. The first group I attended, I went for five months, missed a meeting and then returned to be asked if I had ever been there before. Of course that was better than when I went last week for what would have been my 10th or 11th meeting - I've lost count - and no one was there. They dissolved the group, but apparently I didn't make the cut to be notified. Nice.

Still though, I think the informal setting of lunch and the possibility of one on one help is a great idea. It was too overwhelming for me to ask questions and get help in the group setting the first time I attended.

There is also a new toddler group in Wake County. If you are a breastfeeding mama of a toddler who is one year old or older, you are welcome to join a cool group of moms who promise not to ask, "So how long are you going to do that?" The group meets every fourth Monday at 10:30 AM at the Unitarian Church on Wade Avenue in Raleigh.

All meeting details can be found on the La Leche League website.

It's All Worth It

Anna Podris is having a baby. Rather, I hope she has already had that baby. A little girl born to two artist parents. I think she will be a lucky little baby.

I really only know Anna through her artwork. Her paintings hang in our living room and provide Christopher a beautiful view of colors, building, birds, and whimsy during our morning nursing. When I saw that she was expecting, I was compelled to drop by the studio she and her husband Keith Norval share at Artspace in downtown Raleigh. I really wanted to give her a Moby and offer up the smiles and encouragement that only the mother of a baby who sleeps through the night can give.

There is something about new moms that I feel drawn to now that I have a little more confidence. Now that I don't spend most hours of the day locked with paralyzing anxiety over what I'm doing wrong as Christopher's mother.

One the one hand, I want to let new moms know that it does get better. It does not always feel like you have sold your soul to the gods of impatience, sleeplessness, helplessness, and anxiety. There will be a day when you wake up with your baby and realize that breastfeeding isn't controlling your day, it's fitting into it.

On the other hand, I don't want them to know how bad it can be. Maybe it's not so bad for every new mom. Maybe there are new moms who are calm, sleep when the baby sleeps, and don't have any breastfeeding issues. Maybe you could hear me laughing as I typed that.

I know that some of us have it worse than others. Some of us have hormones that just won't relinquish their throttle hold on our lives. Some of us have to do it alone without family nearby to help. Some of us have legitimate worries that mix themselves in with the irrational fears and make it hard to distinguish the two. Some of us have such severe anxiety that we stayed in bed with our babies for no less than three days, only getting out to go to the bathroom because we were afraid that if we moved or let go of the baby that our milk would dry up.

Okay, so that last one was probably only me.

A couple of weeks ago, Christopher and I paid Anna a visit. We sat and chatted about her pregnancy and her birth plans. We talked about attachment parenting and cheered at Keith's proclamation of "whatever works" parenting. She tried on the Moby and wrapped it right on her very first try.

I said nothing of my dark days. I said nothing of my marathon labor that laughed mockingly at the Pitocin until I finally gave into an epidural 14 hours later. I said nothing of the depression and anxiety I was sucked into while trying so hard to be able to nurse my son.

But I didn't lie to her when she asked questions.

I did say I made small goals and celebrated when I reached them. My small goal was to breastfeed that day. That one day. And when it happened, I congratulated myself at night and challenged myself to do it again the next day.

I did tell her that getting no sleep was hard, but it didn't last long in the grand scheme of things.

And I did tell her what we all know. Everything she was about to go through was worth it and then some. It would be worth it to become her little girl's mother.

The image above is of Bird Tropolis, an original oil on canvas by Anna Podris.

An original Triangle Mamas post. Marty is a mother, a musician, and a writer. You can also find her at Deep South Moms Blog.

My peeps

Moms need friends who are moms. Not exclusively of course, but we need other moms in our lives to talk to, to learn from, to support and be supported.

I've been having a hard time finding these moms in real life.

As much as I love Raleigh, I have to admit, I have never found a social niche as a woman. Ever since I gave up the nightlife, playing in bands and frequenting open mics, I haven't really had a "go to group." Now, as a mother in Raleigh, I find myself often on the sidelines, not able to jump in a conversation without tripping over my mouth and falling on my own words. I rarely see babies in slings while I'm out, and I almost never see nursing mothers out in public. It's been a little lonely.

At the pool last week, I ran into a mother from our Music Together class. The mother of the shaker thrower. She was very nice, introducing me to her friends and actually including me in some of the conversation. I remained slightly interested until one of her friends actually referred to a neighbor of theirs as a "total nerd," and bemoaned the fact that they would have to invite this nerd to their Bunko game.

I don't even know what Bunko is. I do, however, know what a nerd is, and I'm quite certain that I fit that definition to a tee in their world. That fact? Does not make me sad.

Today, Christopher and I struck out for A Family, A Fair at Bond Park in Cary. La Leche League of Cary was sponsoring the event as a fundraiser and in conjunction with World Breastfeeding Week.

One of the first people I saw was Julie, my doula. I don't think she could tell that I almost cried as I hugged her. I saw Jessica, my childbirth instructor, and then I saw Stephanie, who took Christopher's newborn portraits. Jamie, my postpartum doula, was at the Hypnobirthing table, and Kara was sharing a table with her mother-in-law who just so happens to be one of my favorite people in the whole world.

I don't consider myself a lactavist. I have attended a La Leche League meeting once a month since Christopher's birth except for June and July when we were out of town. But I'm not very crunchy. I'm not certainly not soggy, but I'm not crunchy. It never occurred to me that I would fit in with the LLL crowd.

But today? Two hours flew by and I had smiled, laughed, and talked more than I have in months. Every conversation I had, be it with someone I already knew or a total stranger, was comfortable. Slings were more prevalent than strollers. It was easy to eat a lunch with no dairy because the caterers were vegan. And obviously, there were nursing mothers feeding their children all over.

I called my momma on the way home. I told her that I felt like I had found my people. I was only partially kidding.

It felt good to fit in somewhere. Really good.

To top it all up, I came home with an awesome nursing shirt, a new UV Moby wrap, and a Medela Swing pump from the silent auction. Bonus.