Margaritas

By Sue

I had the pleasure of grabbing margaritas with some girlfriends the other night and the topics of discussion were about the same as they always are when we get together.

We catch up, tell each other about what recent events may be going on in our lives and with our families. We talk about our kids, compare stories and ask for advice. We then move on to current events and things of that nature, but the conversation always rounds it’s way over to husbands.

This evening the common theme to the husband topic was equality. Each and everyone of us discussed how we felt care giving equality fell short.

Now don’t get me wrong, don’t get the idea that we get together to bash our husbands. I was just surprised at how each one of us were bothered or annoyed by the same exact things.

Our husbands range in age, height, weight, race, educational background, you name it, but it was surprising to me that all of our stories sounded identical.

Each one of us felt like we were left to carry the weight of care giving. Working mom or stay at home mom, the complaints were the same.

Examples:

"I take care of the kids all day and all week by myself, but when he does it for a couple of hours, I feel like he is acting like he deserves a medal!"

"I love when he wants to spend time with the kids and let me relax, but coming home to a house that has exploded and having to be the one to clean it up is not my idea of relaxing. Why can’t he take care of the kids and pick up after himself at the same time. I am not asking him to clean the whole house, just pick up after lunch, block time, etc."

"I work too, but how come the majority of the house and child care falls on me?"

Sound familiar?

This left me thinking, are we asking for too much or not giving our husbands the benefit of the doubt? Not exactly, but I do think we can cut them some slack. This, especially for me, is easier said than done.

I think we need to realize that the majority of care giving falls into our laps because we (as stay at home moms at least) do it 99.9% of the time already. It comes easily to us and we are used to doing it. When we ask them or they want to do a majority of the tasks we do on a daily basis, it isn’t going to come as easily to them, mainly because they don’t have that much practice time.

I see this in my house a lot. It is a piece of cake for me to wrangle the kids, make dinner, clean up the playroom, fold laundry, and talk on the phone at the same time because that is what I do all day everyday. I am trying to learn to cut my husband some slack when it comes to multitasking at this magnitude.

The only time I have a problem is when a time comes that requires him to do everything, it leaves him stressed, resentful and ill-equipped.

This conversation with my girlfriends stayed with me, because I think this is an argument that will never be resolved. It will never be equal, or at least it will never feel equal.

Our husbands most likely feel the same way as we do. Do we understand what it feels like to have the stress of the family’s financial wellbeing fall solely onto us? (Now, I am not a working mom, so I can only tell my side of the story. Working moms, chime in and give me your side!) I know I think I do, but in reality I don’t.

I believe it all comes down to balance and I am finding that balance is not so easily accomplished. I personally find it difficult to find balance between being a mother, a wife, a friend and then squeezing in time for just me.

Balance is what we all strive for, because when we are balanced we feel that things run smoothly, our lives are less stressful and we are in a mindset to really enjoy those around us.

One of my many goals for 2010 is to take steps towards feeling and being more balanced.

What do you think?

Will this argument ever be resolved?

We will ever really be equal?

What is it like for all the working moms out there that have to balance even more than I do?

When Sue isn’t trying to balance her kids and the rest of her life, she can be found blogging at Motherhood and Me  or chatting away on Twitter.

Comments

[Mickie]

I am a working mom, full time long hours from home, with a stay at home hubby & one 2 year old. And I STILL feel this way! I've been trying to cut him some slack too, but since I'm home I see what he is/is not doing all day. And I think (and sometimes say) he should do this or that more.

But I do think a lot of my concerns come from that lack of balance. I feel like I work too much & would rather be at home. So I think about the things "I would do if I were home" and think I'd do better. Sometimes I'm able to be more honest & realize that he's more patient & that I hate to cook & clean. LOL