Triangle Mamas

Lt. Harry P. "Flip" Kissinger IV - Update

by Sue

I am sad to say that our beloved local fireman and neighbor has passed away due to the injuries he endured in his accident last Friday.

This past week Flip had been fighting for his life, while his family, friends and community held their breath with heavy hearts to hear the word that he would be okay.

It saddens me to find out today that that day will never come. He fought a brave fight, but the injuries were to traumatic and eventually overcame him.

I did not know him closely, but I can tell you that our occasional interactions throughout the neighborhood always left a smile on my face. You could tell what a good person he was just by talking to him. He was friendly, inviting and very kind.

My heart and the hearts of our entire community goes out to his family. I have never experienced a tragic loss like this before, so I can only imagine what this must be like for Jill and their two girls.

I may not have first hand experience with a loss of this magnitude, but I do have experience in being a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a hand to hold and most importantly being a friend.

Do what you can for this family.

Even if you don't know them.

Even if what you can is just letting them know your heart goes out to them.

Let them know they have your support in this horrible time.

Funeral arrangements will be made in the next couple of days, but there are still ways that you can help.

May you rest in peace, Flip, and know you will be honored and missed always.

Lt. Harry P. "Flip" Kissinger

by Sue

Friday morning on December 4th time stood still.

Time stood still just second from our driveway.

A beloved neighbor of ours was coming home from work early Friday morning and was hit by a school bus heading in the opposite direction.

Lt. Harry P. "Flip" Kissinger and his family are a wonderful part of our neighborhood. We do not know his family closely, but we have enjoyed their company during neighborhood festivities, pool outings, walks with the kids and times when we just need help moving some furniture.

We heard about the crash the day it happened because it is the route that my husband takes to work every morning. When you hear about tragic events like this, especially ones that hit close to home, it is almost impossible to not personalize it.

"You take that route to work.", is all I could hear in my head over and over and over again looking at my husband walk out the door for the day.

That could have been anyone, any one of us, and it was, it was our friendly neighbor Flip.

Our hearts immediately were heavy for Flip, Jill and their girls. Our minds swirled with ways we could extend our hand in their time of need. "I am home all the time and the girls could come over here so Jill could be with Flip, we could send them meals, we could open an account for them so they could accept donations, we could just..."

We know them, but we don't know them well so I did the only thing I could think of, go door to door and find out if help was being extended.

Help was being extended and it has been extending ever since. The whole community has come together for Flip and his family. It makes you proud of the community you live in and happy that humanity and a sense of community is still alive and well.

I have spoken to some neighbors and found out that their basic needs are being met and that their support chain is long, but I still wanted to help in anyway I could, so I am turning to you dear readers and spreading the word about Flip, his accident and how you can help.

Below are links to news reports, caring sites and donation sites that will guide you to where help is most needed if you feel the urge to help.

Even if you think you can't help, you can, think about them when your family leaves for the day. Hug them for a little bit longer and remember that life can change in a flash.

Flip, Jill, Hannah and Abby, you are in our thoughts and our hearts!

Keep fighting Flip!!!



Kissinger Family Fund

Prayers for the Kissinger Family

WRAL News Stories

Friends for Flip Fundraiser, Sunday, December 26, 2009

RFD Wife, Cafepress store to benefit Kissinger family

Sue also blogs at Motherhood 'n' Me and you can follow her on Twitter too.

Shaniya Davis, Little Girl Lost

by Marty

"She's such a pretty little girl," I said to Kevin as we watched the news last week. The picture of her sitting in her perfect white dress with pink flowers didn't match the next frame. The story cut to a shot of where she lived with her mother. It was a terribly dilapidated trailer somewhere in Fayetteville.

Shaniya Davis had been taken from her home early that morning. By the next day, they had found surveillance footage of the little girl with a man in a hotel. I remember the news conference where they said that they were now hopeful to find Shaniya alive.

They didn't.

Now, on top of finding this beautiful little girl dead, her mother has been arrested for human trafficking. She is accused of offering her five year old daughter for prostitution.

Before this turns into the newest episode of Law & Order SVU, ripped from the headlines, and before it turns into a larger story about the truckloads of women and children who are victims of human trafficking, I just wanted to remember this one single little girl.

Five years old. Her mother offered her for prostitution. And now she's dead.

I hope it does bring more awareness to human trafficking in North Carolina. Just in addition to, not instead of bringing awareness to this one little girl who slipped through the cracks.

Marty also blogs at Don't Take the Repeats and Tweets as canape.

Election Day: Local Elections Matter

I'm going to keep this one short so you can take the time to check out the links here.

This Tuesday, October 6, is election day. Municipal elections don't get much media attention or ad spend, but they are critical to our local way of life. I admittedly bust a move on national elections and can lose sight of what happens in my own backyard. However, now that I am a mother of an elementary age son, I view my world a bit differently. Don't get me wrong, I always vote, no matter how "big" or "small" the race. I love to vote and cherish my right to do so. Since my boys have been born I have taken them with me to the polls, whether nestled into the baby carrier, strapped into the stroller, or walking hand in hand. I even let my then-five-year old fill out the ballot for the presidential election in 2008. Voting is a civic responsibility and honor that won't go unnoticed in my household.

This Tuesday we vote for important local offices. In Wake County we are voting on candidates for school board, mayor of Raleigh, and city council. Cary and Durham have city council races (Primary in Durham with the election November 3). These are the people whose legislation and policies directly affect our lives - schools, zoning, budgets, trash collection, recycling, public transportation, use of public space, green space, parks and recreation, public safety (police and fire) and a whole slew of other responsibilities. In a word, these elected officials matter. To all of us.

And please allow me a sidebar here: Just because I didn't have kids in public school before doesn't mean I didn't vote. All these issues, arguably education especially, affect us all.

So do me, and you, a favor. Please go vote on Tuesday. And have a look at the voter's guide here for more information. Voting is a right we take for granted. Make good use of your right on Tuesday, October 6.

Wake County Voter Information

Durham County Voter Information

And on November 3, there are elections in Durham, Angier, Apex, Fuquay-Varina, Garner, Holly Springs, Knightdale, Morrisville, Rolesville, Wake Forest, Wendell and Zebulon.

As for me, you'll see me at the polls on Tuesday with my two sons in tow. Because I'll be volunteering at the polls all day for Kids Voting, you won't see me in my normal election day partisan attire. But I'll be sporting a Kids Voting T-shirt, proudly supporting an organization that brings our civic process to life in and out of the classroom.

Ilina blogs at Dirt & Noise, where she unleashes her political fury when she's not waxing about her boys' latest mischief or sharing a cocktail recipe on her weekly 5:00 Fridays post.

The Public's Schools

I have a confession to make: As the mother of a rising kindergartner, there's a tiny part of me that hopes all the "neighborhood schools" candidates get elected to the Wake County Board of Education on Oct. 6. You see, as a mom, I'd really love for my son (and, in a few more years, my daughter) to attend the elementary school in our neighborhood.

What's not to love? We could walk to school in 20 minutes, joining with our friends along the way to form a daily elementary school parade. He would be in school with kids he knows, whose parents I know. He'd be at a "good" school that's safe, familiar, stable and on a traditional calendar. Norman Rockwell himself would probably want to paint a picture of it all.

Even before I became a mom, I couldn't fault the parents who complain about (and then form yet another group to fight) annual reassignments that resulted in instability, uncertainty and sometimes long drives for families around the county. Now that I am a mom, I understand their concerns in a whole new way.

But I know too much. I am more than a mom -- a former teacher, a public education advocate, a citizen, a taxpayer -- and I cannot in good conscience support an approach that will lead to the re-segregation of schools, no matter how lovely my personal scenario might seem through the eyes of motherhood.

As a parent, my job is to do what is in the best interest of my own child. But the teachers, administrators and elected officials in our community? Their job is to do what is in the best interest of ALL children, regardless of what neighborhood they live in or who their parents are.

There are plenty of arguments on all sides of the debate around "supporting diverse schools" or "supporting neighborhood schools" (which aren't mutually exclusive in theory, but generally are opposites in practice). I don't have the time or energy or clarity of thought to wade through them all. But here are few things that, from research and personal experience, I know to be true:

• Schools with high concentrations of poverty have a harder time being successful than schools with fewer low-income students. It's not some kind of hogwash about having poor kids sit next to rich kids so they can learn better. It's simply that students living in poverty, no matter how smart they are, come with additional challenges (like being hungry or not having adequate health care or having a single parent who can't be home much because she's working two jobs) that schools must try to address.
• Schools with high concentrations of poverty tend to have higher rates of teacher turnover because they're tougher places to teach. That usually means more teachers with less experience and a general instability within the school culture, which means that teachers suffer and students suffer. And that's all students in the school, not just the poor ones. Studies suggest that students in poor and minority schools are twice as likely to have an inexperienced teacher and are 61 percent more likely to be assigned an uncertified teacher.
• Advocates for a "neighborhood schools" approach who claim that additional funding will be given to schools in poor neighborhoods to help them overcome their challenges are full of crap. Particularly in today's world of slashed budgets, the money won't be there -- or if it does come, it won't last long. And, unless you're Geoffrey Canada in the Harlem Children's Zone, it won't be enough to make a difference.
• Wake County's diversity policy is imperfect -- and I think the district sometimes does a poor job of implementing the policy, leaving families feeling ignored and snubbed -- but maintaining integrated schools is the right goal. The district is not "out to get" anyone and derives no pleasure from disrupting parents' vision of how school should be. They are simply wrestling with making the best decisions they can in support of the nearly 140,000 students in the district.

As for the election on Oct. 6, unfortunately I don't get to vote because I don't live in one of the districts on this year's ballot. If you are eligible to vote, I certainly don't presume to tell you who to vote for and am not endorsing any candidates. But I hope that, regardless of where you live, you'll consider that, as parents, we have the luxury making decisions based on our own children. Our school districts must consider all the children at once.

* * *

If you'd like more information the role of diversity in maintaining healthy public schools, read Making Choices, a report I co-wrote in 2003 when I worked at Wake Education Partnership, or Striking a Balance, a 2008 report from the same organization. And feel free to comment, argue, debate -- just please be polite about it.

When Cyndi climbs down from her soapbox, she can be found blogging at Junius & Pippi Take the Cake.

On Gun Control

I saw this article on our local news yesterday, and it made me sick to my stomach. In case you don't feel like clicking a link, here's the story.

A 2-year-old Sanford boy was killed late Wednesday morning in what authorities have labeled an accidental shooting.
Details were not immediately clear, but Sanford police Capt. David Smith said the child or another child in the home at 522 Cannon Circle got hold of a gun and that it was fired. The boy was shot in the head.
"It’s obvious someone left an unsecured weapon,” Smith said. “We don’t know if the toddler shot himself or if one of the other children in the house was playing with the gun.”
Two other children, ages 3 and 4, as well as the boy's mother, Melanie Tyson, were at the residence at the time. His father, Joey Tyson, was at work. Police did not release the name of the child.
Emergency workers responded to the report at 11:13 a.m., and the child was taken to Central Carolina Regional Hospital, where he was pronounced dead.
Smith did not speculate as to whether the boy's parents will face any charges.
“I don’t want to be premature and talking about charges until we finish our investigation,” he said.

This? This is not ok. And this is why, yes, I absolutely believe that we need tighter gun control laws in this country.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me say this: I admit that I have a somewhat irrational fear of guns. I've never touched a gun in my life, and never want to. When my school decided to take one semester of 7th grade Phys. Ed. and offer "Hunter's Education" class instead, I had my mom write me a note saying that it was against my beliefs. They let me take study hall for that period. I hate guns, I wish they didn't exist.

I think that if you want to own a gun for hunting, fine. It's not my personal hobby, but whatever. If you want a handgun for "personal protection," I think that's ridiculous, but I also realize that it's easy for me to say that from my very safe, upper-middle class neighborhood. I think the idea of anyone owning an automatic rifle is absolutely obscene, and that no one needs an AK-47 outside of a military context.

That said, in spite of all my personal wacky liberal views on guns, I'm not stupid. There's never going to be any real anti-gun legislation that gets passed in this country. For Christ's sake, people show up with loaded assault rifles at town hall meetings when the topic is health care of all things. Try to imagine the reaction if Obama wanted to talk about passing restrictions on gun ownership. Armageddon? Probably close.

But look, there has to be some middle ground here to put an end to these types of horrible accidents. Like oh, I don't know, maybe requiring gun owners to take a basic gun safety course? Or passing a law that if you have a gun and there are children in the house, you also have to buy a lock like this for it?

And I know that all of you conservatives are all about "personal responsibility!" and "I don't want the government passing laws that restrict my freedom!" or whatever the hell your argument is. (Although, ironically, when the issue comes to either abortion rights or gay marriage, y'all want to slap a whole bunch of laws all over that shit. Which makes no sense to me at all, but that's neither here nor there.) But is this really all that different than being required to pass a test before you can get a driver's license, or laws that require car seats to keep your kids safe? I don't see anyone at the DMV with a protest sign, claiming that their personal freedom is being infringed upon.

I'm not unsympathetic to the family in this tragedy. Obviously I have no idea what it's like to lose a child - there are other people out there who know that type of pain, and I'm truly thankful that I don't. I don't think they're bad people, I'm sure they had a gun because they wanted to keep their family safe. But to not only have lost a child, but to also know that you're the one who brought home the weapon that killed your child? I don't know how you go on with your life after that. There has to be something that can be done to prevent these types of tragedies from occurring. There just has to be.

Cindy has lived in the Triangle since August 2008. Originally, she's a Southern native (Mississippi girls, holla!) who spent the better part of the last decade in Seattle, where she met a cute British guy, married him, and had a beautiful baby girl. Since they had a kid, they decided that Seattle was too far away from their families, so they relocated. They're enjoying life in NC, even though they both whine about the heat during the summer. Cindy blogs at PooBou.com, and is @poobou on Twitter.

Intolerance for Raymond Cook's Inebriation

When I was a little girl I had one of those jewelry boxes with a twinkling spinning ballerina inside. I vividly remember the light blue tulle of her tutu and the shimmering tune of Swan Lake playing when I'd wind it up. I never took a dance class in my life but I did daydream about being a ballerina. Didn't every little girl? From when my oldest son Bird could talk he would always tell me that I looked like a ballerina whenever I wore a skirt. Now at age six, he still says it. It's as close to being a ballerina as I ever got. I was not blessed with a lithe body, good posture, discipline, or grace.

But Elena Shapiro was. I swear if you look up "ballerina" in the dictionary Elena's picture was right there. Even her name was fit for a ballerina. Grace embodied.

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the recent tragedy of Dr. Raymond Cook killing ballerina Elena Shapiro. The irony of a reckless young doctor stealing the life of a vital young woman is not lost on me.

I heard this news over the weekend before the media extravaganza began. I was reeling then, and the subsequent news reports continue to make me foam at the mouth. Disdain. Disgust. I can't find the right words. A man who committed his life to saving lives took an innocent life in a fleeting, irresponsible moment. We often turn to doctors in the apex of our vulnerability. We don't expect them to heighten our despair; we look to them to give us hope and health. We take faith that they value their oath. First, do no harm. We hope and assume that doctors above all value human life in and out of the hospital, for they have seen the most profound and most remarkable examples of our mortality.

Cook did more than make a grave mistake; he sent an innocent young woman to her grave. This was not a fluke accident for which I can empathize. This was not an it-could-have-happened-to-me moment. If anything, any one of us could have been Elena Shapiro. In fact, just moments after the accident, friends of ours took that very same road en route home, their two children ages 7 and 4 in tow. Sure, before Friday night Raymond Cook was a regular guffawing golfing guy hanging out with his buddies on a deserved afternoon off. Apart from the 300 grand salary, million dollar home, and medical credentials, he could have been my very own husband. He was a husband, father, son, friend; he wasn't a monster. But his actions have made him so. The fact that he has a history of such dangerous reckless behavior makes this case even more reprehensible.

Any one of his choices jeopardized the lives of those who shared the road with him. The combination was deadly. He embarked on this irresponsible escapade knowingly, even turning down an offer to arrange a ride home from the bar manager who refused to serve him. Surely cab fare was not out of his budget. And what responsibility do his golfing buddies share? Is there shame to go around? How many of them drove home drunk themselves? One hell of an I-told-you-so-lesson. This is a 40-something year old man who knows the dangers of drinking and driving. He knows the ramifications of driving nearly twice the speed limit. Even when running late, I don't drive twice the posted speed limit. And the cynic in me says that he wouldn't have been running late if he had just left the bar earlier.

The image of a wealthy, successful young doctor careening down the street in his fancy Mercedes after an afternoon of golfing at the club is even too cliche for a Jodi Piccoult novel. The Dr. 90210 figure of the swashbuckling, entitled plastic surgeon who is above the law fits Dr. Cook to a tee. He's surely not helping the negative stereotypical light cast on his profession. For the record, I have had reconstructive plastic surgery for medical, not cosmetic, reasons. Twice. I am not a naysayer. I am not one who is distrusting of doctors. We have close friends who are physicians, and I would trust them with my life. Had I the muster to get into medical school, medicine would have been my chosen profession too. I revere doctors, which perhaps adds to the bile this case elicits in me. I don't know Raymond Cook personally. I don't really give a damn what kind of man his supporters purport him to be. On Friday, September 11, a date that already has its gruesome share of mind in our collective psyches, Raymond Cook became a different kind of man. He murdered a young woman who posed him no threat. His car his weapon, his disregard for the law and his overindulgence the fuel. The lifetime of shame and pain Cook lives with pales exponentially to that of Elena Shapiro's family. And to think of the future he has laid out for his own family. I shudder.

Think I'm being too hard on the guy? What if Elena were your daughter?

Surely when you look up "hubris" in the dictionary you see Raymond Cook.

Disgrace embodied.

Ilina, a doting mother of two boys, blogs at Dirt & Noise.When she's not busy with her day job in her own marketing consulting business, she manages to inhale books, cook adventurous healthy creations, and window shop on Etsy. Though she posts a cocktail recipe in a weekly feature called 5:00 Fridays, she is a vehement supporter of drinking responsibly. Having lost two friends to a drunk driving accident in college, she has no tolerance for driving while under the influence.

Walk This Way

I live in a city that forces us to drive. Based on recent real estate developments you would think that the auto and gas industries are bankrolling city projects. Not only is walking not possible in most areas, it is down right discouraged. Take for example, the place I frequent for shopping and errands. The place I go to load up on groceries, take the kids to the library, grab lunch with my son, order monogrammed stationery, treat my boys to an ice cream cone, pick up adult beverages for my weekly 5:00 Fridays post, buy birthday presents, rent Wii games, browse antique store aisles, sip coffee and nosh sweet potato biscuits with my family, splurge on a pedicure, ship Amazon.com returns, enjoy bloody marys while watching ACC basketball, and window shop at the amazing boutiques. Cameron Village .

Don't get me wrong, I love Cameron Village. I go there about five times a week. But there is nothing village-like about it. The developers claim that Cameron Village takes its patrons back to a simpler time of tree-lined walks and village treasures. Sure, it's loaded with unique stores and tasty culinary treats. It's also home to a couple grocery stores, a great brand new public library, toy store, pharmacy, coffee shops, and a diverse array of shops. In short, it is a hub of shopping, dining, browsing, and living. It's a fine place to hang out with my kids and husband on the rare day we have time to graze. The village is split up into four quadrants with parking lots and busy streets cutting through the middle of it all, making it completely un-walkable. It would be a traffic nuisance and a dangerous stroll to even attempt walking around Cameron Village with my sons, ages five and three. Being loaded down with shopping bags would make the situation all the worse. Call me crazy, but I'm not that keen on subjecting my kids to danger just to try to force walkability into a place that clearly discourages it; their little frames would be even more difficult for drivers to see than my own five foot stature. In theory Cameron Village should be a pedestrian paradise. A place to take visitors to wile away an afternoon, stroll with your family on a spring evening, or splurge on a girls night out. Instead it is a veritable game of Frogger , discouraging walking, dawdling, browsing. In essence, all the driving ridiculously short distances to and fro makes consumers miss the little things, the treasures of happenstance and serendipity that pepper a true village.

And let's consider where I live . An old neighborhood of bungalows and front porched homes with tree-canpoied streets, sidewalks, and a neighborhood elementary school. We can walk to a fantastic indie movie theater, a family-owned pharmacy, local restaurants, galleries, antique stores, boutiques, coffee shop, restaurants, post office, parks, and biking trails. We have to cross a very busy road to get to the goods, and the crossing signal is not long enough for a family with a leashed dog, stroller, or toddler to make it across on time. Nevermind those in a wheelchair or using a walker or crutches for help. Nevermind the elderly or ladies in heels. Pretty much just the joggers make it across before the red Don't Walk signal blinks. Walking is hazardous, while driving is not necessary or convenient. It's nonetheless a wonderful community that has grown organically. No cul de sacs or faux neighborhood facades. It is a sense of community rather than an artificial community center replete with resort-like fountains and clubhouse. It seems that such organic neighborhoods are teetering on the verge of extinction where I live.

Grand homes on streets with saplings and no sidewalks crop up at every turn. Independent shops and restaurants make way for big box strip malls and apostrophe restaurants (you know, Chili's, TGIFriday's, and others in their ilk). It's endemic everywhere I imagine. In this day of increased childhood obesity, heart disease, diabetes and the like, shouldn't we be taking a closer look at how and where we live? Shouldn't we consider the simple benefits of taking a few steps and enjoying our community? Perhaps Nancy Sinatra's ditty needs to be blasted from loud speakers across town: These boots were made for walking!

Reposted from an original Deep South Moms Blog post.

Ilina walks, but refuses to run. You can find her walking to her favorite coffee shop, where she writes at Dirt & Noise and Foodie Mama when she's not busy being the voice of the consumer for clients of her marketing consulting business.

Power to the Mommies

Do you remember the Motrin Moms incident in November? It was one of the first times Mommy bloggers really used their power and change happened.

Once all of the talk and excitement settled down, the question remaining was, "What do you want to change next?" In January, the answer came with the impending enactment of the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008 (CPSIA). Mommy bloggers, work-at-home moms, and moms everywhere were concerned about how increased and costly safety testing could put thousands of small businesses, Etsy sellers, and many, many work-at-home moms out of business.

Of course as mothers, we want the toys our children play with to be unequivocally safe and we want them to be lead-free. However this act in its sweeping legislative action would potentially have done more to hurt the safe toy industry then it was likely to help. What toys could be safer than ones made by other mommies who are solely dependent on customer happiness and loyalty to remain in business?

In the end, Mommies took to the internet voicing their concerns on blogs, Twitter, through their votes at change.org, and even by contacting their government representatives. And their voices were heard. On January 30th, the Consumer Products Safety Commission granted a one year stay of testing and certification requirements in order to have"more time to finalize four proposed rules which could relieve certain materials and products from lead testing and to issue more guidance on when testing is required and how it is to be conducted."

This was good news to everyone who voiced concerns over this act but most especially to the small businesses who would have been affected. Of course, it is important to note that the work is not finished as now input is needed in how to change this body of legislation to follow through on its good intentions without leaving the path of destruction the original bill would have.

As amazed as I was to see the stay happen, I was even more amazed at the power of the mom, the power of the people. All too often that sweatpants wearing, toddler toting mom is written off as unimportant compared to the executive in the Armani suit, but this stay proves that the mommies of this country have an incredible power and are beginning to use it. In that way, it really is going to be "The Year of the Mom".

An original Triangle Mamas post. Abby has to be vocal about government legislation that bothers her because she's more likely to be heard by the President than by her own 18 month old. She blogs, in case you'd like to listen, at My Sweet Babboo.

One Little Sheep

There is a story in the Bible about a shepherd with 100 sheep. One night, he is putting all of the sheep back in their pen and only counts 99 of them. He secures the 99 sheep and then goes to search high and low for the one missing sheep.

My heart hurts today for that one missing sheep.

Some of you know that I used to be the executive director for a non-profit music school for children from low-income families. Hundreds of children who were considered "at-risk" youth came through the school while I worked there, and for the most part, I have all of these warm fuzzy feelings about success stories. Children who decided to go to college. Children who earned places in the premier youth orchestra here in town. Children who got music scholarships to college. A clarinetist who ended up the top player in the state and is now at Harvard. Children who I when I bump into them, still give me a hug and have something good to say about their experience at the school.

Funding was granted because of our successes and our mission. Who could say no to giving music lessons and instruments to at-risk youth? Even the White House thought the program was super and in 2004 I took one of our students there to accept a Coming Up Taller Award from Laura Bush. I was proud of the work we did and the families we helped.

This morning, I turned on the news and saw the other side of the coin.

About six years ago, there was a little boy who had all the cards stacked against him. He was withdrawn. His mother got him to lessons late if she got him there at all. He was unresponsive with his teacher, although he really really wanted to learn to play. He was 10 years old with a tough guy attitude already trapping him behind a thick defensive wall. When his lessons were over though, he would come see me while he waited for his mother who often had to be called long after his lesson was over and told to come pick him up. We would talk, rather, I would talk and he would give me one word answers and at least one smile every week. He was the kind of boy that I knew had it in him to do great things, but had no support system. I fought like crazy to keep him in the program. Convinced his teacher weekly to be patient with him, rode his mother to get him there and get him there on time, and skirted around the attendance rules so that he wouldn't be kicked out. By the time he was 13, he disappeared. Phone disconnected, mail returned. Lost from our radar.

Last night he was arrested for murder. He's 16 years old.

It breaks my heart. It reminds me to look at the kids who get into trouble with the law and remember that at some point, somebody believed in them. It reminds me that most of the time, these are kids who had insurmountable issues at home, if they even had a home. Sure, they made their own choices and have to answer for them, but somewhere along the way, he was let down by the people who should have done right by him.

When I saw his mugshot on the news, I didn't see a murderer. I saw the little boy who never lost his drumsticks and always wanted to have his lesson even when his ride dropped him off so late that the next student had already started.

This little boy had potential to succeed, and the adults in his life failed him. Then he failed himself. I'm just so sad. I wish that I had tried harder to find this one sheep and keep him with us. Keep him in a program where he could learn self respect, good self esteem, and self discipline.

The 99 continue to make it worth all the work, but my heart is broken today for the one little sheep.

Cross posted at Don't Take the Repeats.