Triangle Mamas

Breastfeeding Cafe

Although something about the name makes me giggle, there's a cool new thing going on in Wake County. La Leche League will be hosting a breastfeeding cafe every Friday at the Itsy Bitsy Baby Spa in Cary. Here are the details:

"Announcing the brand new LLL Breastfeeding Café! Drop in any Friday at
lunch to have all your breastfeeding questions answered at no cost by
La Leche League breastfeeding counselors. All women are welcome, with
or without your babies and pregnant women are especially encouraged to
attend. Please feel free to bring your lunch.

What: an informal drop-in meeting where breastfeeding questions can be
answered and women can meet other breastfeeding moms. Feel free to
bring your lunch, or purchase something at Panera Bread next door.

When: every Friday 12:00 noon to 1:30 p.m.

Where: Itsy Bitsy Baby Spa, 1055 Darrington Dr., Cary (at the
intersection of James Jackson and Cary Parkway, next to Panera Bread)

Who: Pregnant women, breastfeeding women, any women with breastfeeding
questions, and babies.

Cost: Free!"

My experience with La Leche League has been mostly positive once I found the Raleigh Downtown group. The first group I attended, I went for five months, missed a meeting and then returned to be asked if I had ever been there before. Of course that was better than when I went last week for what would have been my 10th or 11th meeting - I've lost count - and no one was there. They dissolved the group, but apparently I didn't make the cut to be notified. Nice.

Still though, I think the informal setting of lunch and the possibility of one on one help is a great idea. It was too overwhelming for me to ask questions and get help in the group setting the first time I attended.

There is also a new toddler group in Wake County. If you are a breastfeeding mama of a toddler who is one year old or older, you are welcome to join a cool group of moms who promise not to ask, "So how long are you going to do that?" The group meets every fourth Monday at 10:30 AM at the Unitarian Church on Wade Avenue in Raleigh.

All meeting details can be found on the La Leche League website.

It's All Worth It

Anna Podris is having a baby. Rather, I hope she has already had that baby. A little girl born to two artist parents. I think she will be a lucky little baby.

I really only know Anna through her artwork. Her paintings hang in our living room and provide Christopher a beautiful view of colors, building, birds, and whimsy during our morning nursing. When I saw that she was expecting, I was compelled to drop by the studio she and her husband Keith Norval share at Artspace in downtown Raleigh. I really wanted to give her a Moby and offer up the smiles and encouragement that only the mother of a baby who sleeps through the night can give.

There is something about new moms that I feel drawn to now that I have a little more confidence. Now that I don't spend most hours of the day locked with paralyzing anxiety over what I'm doing wrong as Christopher's mother.

One the one hand, I want to let new moms know that it does get better. It does not always feel like you have sold your soul to the gods of impatience, sleeplessness, helplessness, and anxiety. There will be a day when you wake up with your baby and realize that breastfeeding isn't controlling your day, it's fitting into it.

On the other hand, I don't want them to know how bad it can be. Maybe it's not so bad for every new mom. Maybe there are new moms who are calm, sleep when the baby sleeps, and don't have any breastfeeding issues. Maybe you could hear me laughing as I typed that.

I know that some of us have it worse than others. Some of us have hormones that just won't relinquish their throttle hold on our lives. Some of us have to do it alone without family nearby to help. Some of us have legitimate worries that mix themselves in with the irrational fears and make it hard to distinguish the two. Some of us have such severe anxiety that we stayed in bed with our babies for no less than three days, only getting out to go to the bathroom because we were afraid that if we moved or let go of the baby that our milk would dry up.

Okay, so that last one was probably only me.

A couple of weeks ago, Christopher and I paid Anna a visit. We sat and chatted about her pregnancy and her birth plans. We talked about attachment parenting and cheered at Keith's proclamation of "whatever works" parenting. She tried on the Moby and wrapped it right on her very first try.

I said nothing of my dark days. I said nothing of my marathon labor that laughed mockingly at the Pitocin until I finally gave into an epidural 14 hours later. I said nothing of the depression and anxiety I was sucked into while trying so hard to be able to nurse my son.

But I didn't lie to her when she asked questions.

I did say I made small goals and celebrated when I reached them. My small goal was to breastfeed that day. That one day. And when it happened, I congratulated myself at night and challenged myself to do it again the next day.

I did tell her that getting no sleep was hard, but it didn't last long in the grand scheme of things.

And I did tell her what we all know. Everything she was about to go through was worth it and then some. It would be worth it to become her little girl's mother.

The image above is of Bird Tropolis, an original oil on canvas by Anna Podris.

An original Triangle Mamas post. Marty is a mother, a musician, and a writer. You can also find her at Deep South Moms Blog.

My peeps

Moms need friends who are moms. Not exclusively of course, but we need other moms in our lives to talk to, to learn from, to support and be supported.

I've been having a hard time finding these moms in real life.

As much as I love Raleigh, I have to admit, I have never found a social niche as a woman. Ever since I gave up the nightlife, playing in bands and frequenting open mics, I haven't really had a "go to group." Now, as a mother in Raleigh, I find myself often on the sidelines, not able to jump in a conversation without tripping over my mouth and falling on my own words. I rarely see babies in slings while I'm out, and I almost never see nursing mothers out in public. It's been a little lonely.

At the pool last week, I ran into a mother from our Music Together class. The mother of the shaker thrower. She was very nice, introducing me to her friends and actually including me in some of the conversation. I remained slightly interested until one of her friends actually referred to a neighbor of theirs as a "total nerd," and bemoaned the fact that they would have to invite this nerd to their Bunko game.

I don't even know what Bunko is. I do, however, know what a nerd is, and I'm quite certain that I fit that definition to a tee in their world. That fact? Does not make me sad.

Today, Christopher and I struck out for A Family, A Fair at Bond Park in Cary. La Leche League of Cary was sponsoring the event as a fundraiser and in conjunction with World Breastfeeding Week.

One of the first people I saw was Julie, my doula. I don't think she could tell that I almost cried as I hugged her. I saw Jessica, my childbirth instructor, and then I saw Stephanie, who took Christopher's newborn portraits. Jamie, my postpartum doula, was at the Hypnobirthing table, and Kara was sharing a table with her mother-in-law who just so happens to be one of my favorite people in the whole world.

I don't consider myself a lactavist. I have attended a La Leche League meeting once a month since Christopher's birth except for June and July when we were out of town. But I'm not very crunchy. I'm not certainly not soggy, but I'm not crunchy. It never occurred to me that I would fit in with the LLL crowd.

But today? Two hours flew by and I had smiled, laughed, and talked more than I have in months. Every conversation I had, be it with someone I already knew or a total stranger, was comfortable. Slings were more prevalent than strollers. It was easy to eat a lunch with no dairy because the caterers were vegan. And obviously, there were nursing mothers feeding their children all over.

I called my momma on the way home. I told her that I felt like I had found my people. I was only partially kidding.

It felt good to fit in somewhere. Really good.

To top it all up, I came home with an awesome nursing shirt, a new UV Moby wrap, and a Medela Swing pump from the silent auction. Bonus.