A letter to my pre-child self.
Right now you are neck deep in issues that are really important to you. Things like where you will order takeout from tonight (5-Star) and if those shorts are too short (they are). You probably got stressed out at work and yelled at your boss. You do that a lot. It’s cool though because he probably yelled at you first and you will one day realize that your sucky job as a member of a really super-dysfunctional office family will provide you with the fondest memories of your career.
At any rate, you’re stressed and you see these moms who talk and talk and talk about their kids and their lives and you think LAWD don’t ever let me be THAT mom. Don’t EVER let me wear mom jeans and seriously? If I even think of leaving the house with chipped toenails just go ahead and put my head in the oven.
I hate to break it to you, but…
You are SO that mom. You will SOOOO be that mom! Hahaha! And you don’t even know it!!!
I suppose it’s for the best because you might think twice about skipping that pill if you knew that you would still be carrying an extra 20lbs 2 years post-partum. Or that you would never truly have an unfiltered night’s sleep again free from the stresses of keeping another human alive. You might have thought differently about the endless cleaning and planning and eating. I mean you have to feed those little suckers. All day!
You might have judged your mom self if you saw the afternoon spent at the Post Office snapping at a squirmy toddler while trying to seal a package with one hand and pay with the other. You might have scoffed at the fact that the child was not completely silent and post office appropriate.
But when you sneezed, you would not have heard Wesss You, Mama.
And I promise, you are NOT going to want to miss that.
Your Postpartum Self
P.S. Dump the guy. You’re gonna do waaaay better than him.