Maybe She's Just Having A Bad Day

My typical method for coping with being home with children all summer is to simply not be home.  Don’t get me wrong, I am a homebody at heart but I find that keeping us all out of the house as much as possible is best for everyone’s mood.  Out in the world, either at the museum, pool or the river, I find that I am more present with my kids.  I can interact with them without being distracted by other things that I think I should be doing.  No work, no household chores, no Facebook or blogs – just my children and me.

It sounds so perfectly serene, doesn’t it?  Except lately, each outing seems to end with my turning into that mom that is pitied, judged or held up as an example.  Take for instance, our last trip to the Museum of Life and Science.  Dean was bitten by what he described as a “small black spider” and his hand instantly began to swell.  He was in pain and we were the furthest point from the car that we could be so I rounded up my crew and we began to walk back to a place where we could get ice.  Not knowing if he had a Black Widow bite or something worse, I was worried and getting frustrated with Logan who was not cooperating.  Dean walked ahead and then was quickly out of my sight.  When we reached the spot I had assumed he would go, there was no Dean.  We had to go find him.  Jess, however, had the idea that we would stop and eat at the café and would not be consoled.  I was trying to stay calm but patient I was not.  We were all hot, hungry and tired.  I had to keep walking with a six year old having a tantrum and a two year old having a sit-in on the middle of the sidewalk. 

So I was shouting because I had one child not moving and too big and wet from water play to be carried, one child sobbing and walking away from me in his anger, and my oldest nowhere to be seen.  And people were looking.  I had one mom ask Logan where his mommy was and a staff person ask me if the crying boy belonged to me.  When Dean caught up with me, I yelled, “Where were you?!”   I think part of me wanted to be loud about it because I wanted everyone to know that I was scared - that I had good reason to be crabby with my kids.  So, yeah, I’m that mom.

Last week while Dean was at camp, I needed just a few things from the grocery store.  I took the youngest two into Whole Foods since we were in that neighborhood.  We started off so well.  Jess wanted to push the carriage and was navigating the tiny aisles full of obstacles carefully.  Logan chose some peaches that he literally chucked into the cart.  I winced at that bruising fruit and suggested we put the peaches in a bag since throwing them hurts them and makes them yucky.  Logan chose a few more and carefully placed them in the bag.  We moved on.  By the time we found the milk, I was less patient and just wanted our errand to be finished.  The quick stop was turning into a long, drawn-out affair and I was no longer interested in quietly using my “nice words.”  As I was trying to choose the coffee, firmly hold Logan in place in the carriage so he wouldn’t jump (again) and field Jess’ relentless stream of questions, I became increasingly snappish.  It was time to leave whether or not we had everything we needed.  In the checkout lane, a cashier suggested that I take the kids shopping at Super Wal-Mart instead.  “Excuse me?” I said.  Perhaps I didn’t hear him correctly.  He repeated himself adding, “If that is how they are going to behave…” I paid for my items and left the store – but not before accidentally ramming the cart into Logan’s face.  I do so like to make an exit scene.  Yeah, I’m that mom.

I’m the mom who goes somewhere with her kids and then when they leave, everyone else knows her children’s names.  I’m the mom who is constantly trying to choose between disciplining a child and letting him run amok.  I’m the mom who has to physically pull her child out of the pool because he doesn’t want to leave.  I’m the mom you hear hissing through clenched teeth, “You have until I count to three…” Luckily, no one has questioned what happens on three.  We’ve never had to find out.  I’m the mom who handles her children’s behaviors, no matter what scene ensues.

I’m the mom who has many tools in her toolbox to manage her children.  I’m the mom who sometimes runs out of tools.  I’m the mom who sometimes gets exhausted using the rights words all the time and making a game out of basic tasks.  I’m the mom who sometimes just needs her kids to get into the damn car seat already for the luvaGod.

I’m the mom who is sleep deprived and looks it.  And I’m the mom who might need her anti-depressant dose increased and her caffeine dose decreased.  I’m the mom who needs your compassion and understanding.  I might welcome a sympathetic smile rather than your judgmental and snide remarks.  I’m that mom and I’m every other mom.

I’m the mom who calls the store manager when she gets home to complain about the cashier’s rude comments and threatens a boycott on behalf of all moms.  (You with me?)  I’m the mom who can say her children are difficult but will take offense if someone else says it because I am their mom.  I live with them.  I am the mom raising them.  And I’m the mom who loves them.  I am well aware of their faults – and I love them anyway.

I’m not the mom that I thought I’d be.  Sometimes I have it all together and lots of times, I just don’t.  But my kids aren’t the kids I thought they would be either. I’m trying.  And I know they are too.  And 99% of the time, I wouldn’t change a thing.  But you’ll understand if you don’t see me shopping at Whole Foods for a while, won’t you?

This is a Triangle Mamas original post posted by Susie.  Susie occasionally blogs about the joys and mishaps of being a mom to three boys at At Home With Me when she is not busy being humiliated by pretentious store clerks.

Comments

[Cyndi]

Oh, that is infuriating! I might have actually punched the clerk in the face. Seriously -- hope you got a good response from the manager. Would have expected better from a nice place like WF. Grrr...

And for the record, I'm that mom, too -- you're not alone.

[marty]

When I go to Whole Foods, I expect to be waited on by someone who is far too good to be waiting on the likes of me - but THIS? I don't care what the manager said. Unless they took that asshole off the floor and put him in the warehouse where he can't interact with any customer? I won't be going back.

We are all that mom. At some point or another, we are all that mom.

[kat]

and I would have said,'well, with a remark like that, perhaps YOU should be working there too.' ugh. Girl you are not alone...I have burn marks on my back from 'holier than thou' moms stares!
Hang tough! 'That' Moms UNITE!

[TCMama]

I'm impressed by your honesty and it sounds like you are doing a great job as a mom. Our children need boundaries even though most of the time it feels terrible enforcing them! As for the cashier...one day, one day when someone is willing to reproduce with him...he'll understand all too well how hard it is to shop with young kids!

[cindy w]

Whenever I'm out and see a mom like the way you described yourself, my only thought is, "oh, thank God that isn't me." Because I know that there are plenty of days that it IS me.

I am dying to know what the Whole Foods manager's response was. That is insane that the jerk-off cashier said that to you. Totally warrants a boycott.

[nikki]

I can't believe that comment! It's amazing to me how downright hostile some people are towards kids just, you know, being kids, which is to say not perfect little angels.

I'd complain to the manager, and probably not shop there for awhile. Trader Joe's is better, anyway.

[Aimee]

Wow! I hope the manager responded to you appropriately and promised to discipline that cashier. What a jerk!

[Two Lines On a Stick]

I would call their corporate office. I used to work at a local grocery store. If we got a complaint to the manager, they would "talk to us." If the complaint came through the corporate office the manager was actually required to write it up and give disciplinary measures. And then corporate would follow up to see what had been done.

Having said that- there is NO excuse for the worker to treat anyone like that regardless of how their children are behaving? Whatever happened to customer service? I have heard about *attitudes* at Whole Foods and that just serves to confirm what I've heard. It's sad.

[~vee]

Perhaps that checker needs to look into a job at Walmart. He's rude, judgemental and has no people skills which means he has a real future there. I'd offer to write a letter of recommendation and be a reference for him as well; wouldn't want to stand in the way of his long, illustrious career. Sarcasm aside, he has NO business in a service and company representative oriented position.

And as an aside... Once, when my then 2-year old had tornadoed her way through a wading park by knocking down small children, pitching no less than 3 screaming tantrums, scratched me, dumped the contents of someone else's picnic into the DIRT, refused to follow ANY instruction and then told me to "Be TWIGHT" I loudly asked (with hands on hips), "Were is your mother?". Scores of moms who had only moments before been judgemental and awful lept up to helpfully locate the little heathen's mom. As soon as they were occupied...I scooped her up and ran to my minivan. My older ones took a minute but quickly caught on. We've all been there.

[Jill]

If I lived in your area I'd never step foot into that store again. What a little prick!!

[Radish]

Absolutely unacceptable comment by that cashier. I'm impressed you didn't punch him!

[Becki]

Yikes! I can't believe someone lucky enough to have a job in this economy would flap their jaws so rudely! They obviously don't have kids of their own...and never will if their courting skills are anything like their customer service skills.

[NicoleB]

Very uncool of him...I look forward to the day when he is out running a few errands with his kids on his own...See if any of us moms help him out.

[Kristie Finnan]

I think I would have called the manager over and told him what happened and that you were not going to shop there anymore- very unacceptable behavior on the cashier's part- Jerk! Maybe you could have at least gotten a gift card out of the deal. Maybe even go in there without your kids calmly and explain how nasty he was. No apology, oh well- they're loss! They are so expensive anyway! If you have Trader Joe's down there- give it try!

[Jill]

Totally uncalled for and inappropriate. I would be on making calls and writing letters and making sure that the clerk knew he was out of line.

[Judi]

Being in a public service position myself I can't imagine telling anybody something like that. Did he think of asking if it would be okay to give the child a treat? Usually a stranger just talking quietly to the child is enough to quiet them down. Totally unacceptable!! And don't you know Karma is a BITCH!!

[Noelle Norfolk]

Some parents have no idea how much their children HELP them be good parents... I only have ONE daughter, but she is very headstrong and willful... qualities that will serve her well as an adult, but do not currently make her very convenient in public sometimes.

Which means you have to pick and choose your battles or you will kill yourself in the effort. You had already stated you were TRYING to go home. You made a good decision, and that cashier's comment was completely uncalled for. There is a quote that says, "Have a little more compassion than necessary, because everyone is fighting a battle," and this is a very good example. I wish you all the luck I can when you write to Whole Foods.

[Tammy]

I have 4 boys. When the 3 older ones were young they are 3 1/2 years apart I was that mom. They were hard to hand but I still did it and if that guy at would of said that to me I think I would of let him have it right there. You sound like a great mom!

[gail]

Um wow... "whole" lotta attitude. I am sure corporate wouldn't appreciate that.

[Nita]

I would be inclined to report the incident to corporate also. When complaints come in via corporate, management is required to address them in a more formal way. Even if he doesn't like kids and is the least tolerant person in the world, under no circumstances should be suggest going to another store. Are you f'n kidding me? That's just BAD business.

We are all that Mom, whether we have one kid, three or five or more. We have all been there. I am proud to say that I am THAT Mom. And come hell or high water, I will continue being THAT Mom. The rest of the world can kiss my a$$.

[Jennifer]

Wow, what a jerk. Obviously not a parent... He should definitely be disciplined for that.

[@sweetbabboo]

That is absolutely disgusting. I have suffered my fair share of looks from the clerks and customers as Linus has squealed his way through the store but never has one dared to say anything to me. That was absolutely uncalled for. How about offering a mom a little help?

I will not be shopping there anytime soon despite it being the closet grocery store. Instead, I will drive across town to Harris Teeter where they smile and play with my toddler, take my groceries to the car, and have even sent me out ahead to load Linus and then drive back up to collect my groceries. Harris Teeter is worth the extra cash for quality customer service. Whole Foods obviously is NOT.

-Abby

[Alison-Mountain Momma]

OH. MY. GOD.

I'm that mom, too! I'm proud of it! I cannot believe they said that to you!

I would absolutely boycott if there is no response from the store. That is HORRENDOUS!!!

[hf]

WOW! Yes I wouls definalty call and complain, write a letter as well.

I am a mother of 2, both as headstrong as possible. While shopping one day at a local grocery store I actually had a lady come up to me and say really you should learn to contol your childs screaming.(was was 25months old)

I was livid! See, my son has Aspergers, really not that easy to control the tantrums, so does this mean because he doesn't fit into your Perfect mold he shouldn't be allowed in the "real" world.

Snotty people who make comments like that definatly don't have children, plus what makes whole foods so much better than walmart? Are they both not business's trying to stay in business?

Please let us know what was done!

[ilinap]

I am THAT mom too...and proud of it. We do what we have to do. May the Fates bless that cashier with rambunctious, loud, disrespectful banshees one day. My Whole Foods days are over since meeting Farmer Tom of the wondrous CSA.