Triangle Mamas

How I Ended Up Here in the Triangle

Being a mom is so full of emotions. But is there such a thing as mommy logic? Because that’s how I landed here in the Triangle.

I grew up in the South. First, Tennessee then South Carolina (where I went to high school and college). And then, my hubby and I made a mad, illogical dash 1,975 miles away to Phoenix, Arizona. He had just finished grad school and almost moved to Arizona years earlier for undergrad (luckily he didn’t because we never would have met). I always had an obsession with the Grand Canyon, even though the closest I had been was, well, Alabama.

It didn’t seem logical to most people we knew. We didn’t know anyone there (except a distant second cousin of my husband’s who he’d met as a kid), we had no jobs to move for, and, well, it was all the way across the flippin’ country! 

But with no house to sell, no dogs or kids to consider and a heavy dose of adventure pumping through our veins, it made sense to us.

Five years, one dog, one baby and ten trips to the Grand Canyon later, a little dose of mommy logic started settling in. We ADORED our quaint home in southern Scottsdale, the insanely good restaurants, the beautiful places to hike and our newest friends. But at what sacrifice? Our little one saw his grandparents once or twice a year. I once went THREE years without seeing one of my sisters. Plane trips would only get pricier as the little one got older. 

And the list went on.

The thought of moving back to the South hung in the back of my mind for months and months. Every milestone the kiddo hit kicked it up a notch. And then, fate struck.

I had been working at a job I loved but was looking for something a little less chaotic. One day at a marketing society event I sat next to a lady who started playing 20 questions with me. Next thing I know she tells me there’s a job I’d be PERFECT for and - get this - they are relocating to the South (Raleigh to be exact) in six months and paying for relocation. Did I really just hear that right?

And that’s when that mommy logic hit me full force. I was emotionally attached to Arizona but it just didn’t make sense anymore. And here, before me, was an opportunity to have a company PAY me to move closer to family, closer to family birthday parties, closer to the little one actually knowing his cousins instead of seeing them once a year. 

Closer.

It wasn’t because I knew all the great things about Raleigh (I really didn’t other than research). Not because of the weather. Not because the Triangle is a technology mecca. It was because it made sense as a mama who wanted the best for her family. And maybe that’s part emotion too but at the time, it was pure facts, pure logic. Moving back to this side of the country meant we could have X, Y and Z. Living out west meant we could not.

And so we did it. We packed up and moved. From the place our son was born... to the place he’ll grow up.

It’s been over a year now and, despite some struggles, we’re officially settled in. In fact, we’re so settled we thought we’d grow the family a bit so my second boy is due next March. We’ve built a new group of friends, discovered fun places to hike and enjoyed some great Triangle restaurants. The types of things that emotionally attached us to Arizona. But now, I’ve got something bigger than I ever had while living nearly 2,000 miles away. I have a certain comfort knowing that this is the right place for us. 

Six years ago it wasn’t. Today it is. And that makes perfect sense.

Emotion led us away from the South and mommy logic moved us back. Glad to be here.

Original post by Melissa, who loves Sephora every bit as much as REI. When she’s not contemplating what having two boys will do to her life expectancy, she can be found blogging about kids and the outdoors at adventuroo.com.

Bliss in the Bull City

by Kelly

Unlike most people that I know in the Triangle, I can say that I spent most of my life growing up here, in Chapel Hill to be exact.  It’s often hard to believe that it was 23 years ago that my family picked up all it’s “Yankee” roots & headed down here from Connecticut.  So, you can imagine how surprised I was when I met my now husband & found out that not only was he a Durham, NC native, but his parents were as well – a rare find in this area.

Needless to say, I was a footloose & fancy free teenager finishing her first year of college at East Carolina University when I met my husband.  We were both eighteen, but he was just graduating high school.  It was during the summer of 1996 that we dated & both had what we thought would be a “summer fling,” if you will.  I’ll admit, my friends were a bit skeptical upon meeting Seth – growing up in NC he was a bit of a clean cut, country boy, and not the typical guy I might have dated.   I was very much a “wild child,” with an unusual sense of fashion, a love of jam band music & a fondness for grungy boys.  But, something about this guy was different & 13 years & one child later I couldn’t be happier.  We often refer to ourselves as ‘Dharma & Greg’ – the years have changed us a bit, but my husband it still the picture of maturity & responsibility, while I am still very much a dreamer & a kid at heart.

He is the reason that we now live in Durham, and that I have such a love & appreciation for NC.  A common thread between us is a love of the great outdoors – camping, hiking, backpacking, boating, cycling – we have experienced the best that NC has to offer. While we have not gone camping yet with our 2 ½ year old son Wyatt, we talk about it often & wonder which favorite spot in NC we will revisit with him in tow.  Living in the Triangle allows you to get to the Smoky Mountains or the Crystal Coast with the ease of a 3-4 hour trip.  Couple with that the fact that our closest friends, my sister, brother, parents & in-laws all live within 15 minutes of us, and we rarely complain about not getting a night to ourselves.

When Kelly is not reminiscing about her college days, she can usually be found chasing after her toddler son Wyatt, and blogging about it at Monkey Man, if she hasn't run out of steam at the end of the day.

Halloween 2009, Triangle Mamas Style

In no particular order, here are some of the adorable children of the Triangle Mamas.

This is Abigail in her mama's German dirndl from when she was two.  NIkki says, "I like to think of this as her dramatic reenactment of Gretl's 'So Long, Farewell' exit in The Sound of Music."

Here are Juni and Pip, Cyndi's little ones. Buzz Lightyear here even had "Andy" written on the bottom of his shoe. Very authentic.

What might have been a dragon on the hanger became a dinosaur on Linus. Abby's little man was rawry scary.

From our newest Triangle Mama, Kelly, whose inaugural post will be live Wednesday, we have Mr. Wyatt.

Little Bird was a Little Bear for the day. Marty and her sewing machine pulled off a handmade Halloween again this year, but only with a couple of hours to spare.

Cindy's little dino was so excited, she had the costume on in Target the day they were picking it out.

 

Ilina had a handmade Halloween too. Here is Super Deal and Ninja Bird in all their glory.

Welcome to fall, y'all. Bring on the turkeys and the trees!

Book Jackets

This year at the North Carolina State Fair, I wanted to do more than just eat. Which is unusual. I wanted to win something for Little Bird. Knowing full well that we would be paying about 1000% mark up on any stuffed animal we would win for him, I decided on shooting for what I felt like was a sure thing.

We would have a carnie guess Kevin's age.

I thought this was a sure fire way to win something for Bird for only $3. Here we were, a seemingly young couple with a young toddler and a baby on the way. There was no way anyone would guess Kevin was over 40.

Confidant in my husband's stunning good looks and our youthful aura, we stepped up and gave the carnie our $3. He offered to guess my due date, but I wanted to boost my husband's ego with the sure fire guess of 37 or 38 years old. Age guessing it was.

It only took a few seconds for the carnie to scribble down a number on his Post-It pad and after some meaningless banter with the people ignoring him as they passed by, he asked how old Kevin was.I smiled smugly and eyed a little stuffed dog that Bird would love.

The carnie had hit it dead on.

Poor Kevin's ego was bruised instead of stroked. I felt terrible about it, but found it hilarious all at the same time. I started teasing about what else that carnie could have told us like what kind of little sports car Kevin drives or that I stay at home with the kids. I joked that the carnie probably knew it was a second marriage and would probably be able to guess a few things about our ex's as well.

It was funny in a self deprecating kind of way; our favorite kind of way.

On the ride home, we chatted a little bit more seriously though about what people don't know about us. About the misconceptions and assumptions. No one would look at me and guess that I used to play in rock bands. They wouldn't assume that Kevin is a guitar collector, and amazing jazz guitarist, and is building most of our recording gear himself. Someone even told me recently that we looked like the kind of couple who would just want an OB and an epidural rather than an intervention free birth at the Birth Center. 

It's so cliche, judging a book by it's cover. I just hadn't looked at my own cover lately I guess. Who knew that I look like the suburban housewife waiting for medication and possibly a mid labor latte? Who knew that Kevin actually might look his age? Who knew that our covers, while giving some hints about us, would be so far off the mark?

Aside from being amusing, it makes me grateful too, for the people who have opened the book and taken the time to get to know us past the jacket.

To read a few more chapters about Marty, you can check out her personal blog, Don't Take the Repeats. To stick with the liner notes, follow her on Twitter.

Election Day: Local Elections Matter

I'm going to keep this one short so you can take the time to check out the links here.

This Tuesday, October 6, is election day. Municipal elections don't get much media attention or ad spend, but they are critical to our local way of life. I admittedly bust a move on national elections and can lose sight of what happens in my own backyard. However, now that I am a mother of an elementary age son, I view my world a bit differently. Don't get me wrong, I always vote, no matter how "big" or "small" the race. I love to vote and cherish my right to do so. Since my boys have been born I have taken them with me to the polls, whether nestled into the baby carrier, strapped into the stroller, or walking hand in hand. I even let my then-five-year old fill out the ballot for the presidential election in 2008. Voting is a civic responsibility and honor that won't go unnoticed in my household.

This Tuesday we vote for important local offices. In Wake County we are voting on candidates for school board, mayor of Raleigh, and city council. Cary and Durham have city council races (Primary in Durham with the election November 3). These are the people whose legislation and policies directly affect our lives - schools, zoning, budgets, trash collection, recycling, public transportation, use of public space, green space, parks and recreation, public safety (police and fire) and a whole slew of other responsibilities. In a word, these elected officials matter. To all of us.

And please allow me a sidebar here: Just because I didn't have kids in public school before doesn't mean I didn't vote. All these issues, arguably education especially, affect us all.

So do me, and you, a favor. Please go vote on Tuesday. And have a look at the voter's guide here for more information. Voting is a right we take for granted. Make good use of your right on Tuesday, October 6.

Wake County Voter Information

Durham County Voter Information

And on November 3, there are elections in Durham, Angier, Apex, Fuquay-Varina, Garner, Holly Springs, Knightdale, Morrisville, Rolesville, Wake Forest, Wendell and Zebulon.

As for me, you'll see me at the polls on Tuesday with my two sons in tow. Because I'll be volunteering at the polls all day for Kids Voting, you won't see me in my normal election day partisan attire. But I'll be sporting a Kids Voting T-shirt, proudly supporting an organization that brings our civic process to life in and out of the classroom.

Ilina blogs at Dirt & Noise, where she unleashes her political fury when she's not waxing about her boys' latest mischief or sharing a cocktail recipe on her weekly 5:00 Fridays post.

The Public's Schools

I have a confession to make: As the mother of a rising kindergartner, there's a tiny part of me that hopes all the "neighborhood schools" candidates get elected to the Wake County Board of Education on Oct. 6. You see, as a mom, I'd really love for my son (and, in a few more years, my daughter) to attend the elementary school in our neighborhood.

What's not to love? We could walk to school in 20 minutes, joining with our friends along the way to form a daily elementary school parade. He would be in school with kids he knows, whose parents I know. He'd be at a "good" school that's safe, familiar, stable and on a traditional calendar. Norman Rockwell himself would probably want to paint a picture of it all.

Even before I became a mom, I couldn't fault the parents who complain about (and then form yet another group to fight) annual reassignments that resulted in instability, uncertainty and sometimes long drives for families around the county. Now that I am a mom, I understand their concerns in a whole new way.

But I know too much. I am more than a mom -- a former teacher, a public education advocate, a citizen, a taxpayer -- and I cannot in good conscience support an approach that will lead to the re-segregation of schools, no matter how lovely my personal scenario might seem through the eyes of motherhood.

As a parent, my job is to do what is in the best interest of my own child. But the teachers, administrators and elected officials in our community? Their job is to do what is in the best interest of ALL children, regardless of what neighborhood they live in or who their parents are.

There are plenty of arguments on all sides of the debate around "supporting diverse schools" or "supporting neighborhood schools" (which aren't mutually exclusive in theory, but generally are opposites in practice). I don't have the time or energy or clarity of thought to wade through them all. But here are few things that, from research and personal experience, I know to be true:

• Schools with high concentrations of poverty have a harder time being successful than schools with fewer low-income students. It's not some kind of hogwash about having poor kids sit next to rich kids so they can learn better. It's simply that students living in poverty, no matter how smart they are, come with additional challenges (like being hungry or not having adequate health care or having a single parent who can't be home much because she's working two jobs) that schools must try to address.
• Schools with high concentrations of poverty tend to have higher rates of teacher turnover because they're tougher places to teach. That usually means more teachers with less experience and a general instability within the school culture, which means that teachers suffer and students suffer. And that's all students in the school, not just the poor ones. Studies suggest that students in poor and minority schools are twice as likely to have an inexperienced teacher and are 61 percent more likely to be assigned an uncertified teacher.
• Advocates for a "neighborhood schools" approach who claim that additional funding will be given to schools in poor neighborhoods to help them overcome their challenges are full of crap. Particularly in today's world of slashed budgets, the money won't be there -- or if it does come, it won't last long. And, unless you're Geoffrey Canada in the Harlem Children's Zone, it won't be enough to make a difference.
• Wake County's diversity policy is imperfect -- and I think the district sometimes does a poor job of implementing the policy, leaving families feeling ignored and snubbed -- but maintaining integrated schools is the right goal. The district is not "out to get" anyone and derives no pleasure from disrupting parents' vision of how school should be. They are simply wrestling with making the best decisions they can in support of the nearly 140,000 students in the district.

As for the election on Oct. 6, unfortunately I don't get to vote because I don't live in one of the districts on this year's ballot. If you are eligible to vote, I certainly don't presume to tell you who to vote for and am not endorsing any candidates. But I hope that, regardless of where you live, you'll consider that, as parents, we have the luxury making decisions based on our own children. Our school districts must consider all the children at once.

* * *

If you'd like more information the role of diversity in maintaining healthy public schools, read Making Choices, a report I co-wrote in 2003 when I worked at Wake Education Partnership, or Striking a Balance, a 2008 report from the same organization. And feel free to comment, argue, debate -- just please be polite about it.

When Cyndi climbs down from her soapbox, she can be found blogging at Junius & Pippi Take the Cake.

On Gun Control

I saw this article on our local news yesterday, and it made me sick to my stomach. In case you don't feel like clicking a link, here's the story.

A 2-year-old Sanford boy was killed late Wednesday morning in what authorities have labeled an accidental shooting.
Details were not immediately clear, but Sanford police Capt. David Smith said the child or another child in the home at 522 Cannon Circle got hold of a gun and that it was fired. The boy was shot in the head.
"It’s obvious someone left an unsecured weapon,” Smith said. “We don’t know if the toddler shot himself or if one of the other children in the house was playing with the gun.”
Two other children, ages 3 and 4, as well as the boy's mother, Melanie Tyson, were at the residence at the time. His father, Joey Tyson, was at work. Police did not release the name of the child.
Emergency workers responded to the report at 11:13 a.m., and the child was taken to Central Carolina Regional Hospital, where he was pronounced dead.
Smith did not speculate as to whether the boy's parents will face any charges.
“I don’t want to be premature and talking about charges until we finish our investigation,” he said.

This? This is not ok. And this is why, yes, I absolutely believe that we need tighter gun control laws in this country.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me say this: I admit that I have a somewhat irrational fear of guns. I've never touched a gun in my life, and never want to. When my school decided to take one semester of 7th grade Phys. Ed. and offer "Hunter's Education" class instead, I had my mom write me a note saying that it was against my beliefs. They let me take study hall for that period. I hate guns, I wish they didn't exist.

I think that if you want to own a gun for hunting, fine. It's not my personal hobby, but whatever. If you want a handgun for "personal protection," I think that's ridiculous, but I also realize that it's easy for me to say that from my very safe, upper-middle class neighborhood. I think the idea of anyone owning an automatic rifle is absolutely obscene, and that no one needs an AK-47 outside of a military context.

That said, in spite of all my personal wacky liberal views on guns, I'm not stupid. There's never going to be any real anti-gun legislation that gets passed in this country. For Christ's sake, people show up with loaded assault rifles at town hall meetings when the topic is health care of all things. Try to imagine the reaction if Obama wanted to talk about passing restrictions on gun ownership. Armageddon? Probably close.

But look, there has to be some middle ground here to put an end to these types of horrible accidents. Like oh, I don't know, maybe requiring gun owners to take a basic gun safety course? Or passing a law that if you have a gun and there are children in the house, you also have to buy a lock like this for it?

And I know that all of you conservatives are all about "personal responsibility!" and "I don't want the government passing laws that restrict my freedom!" or whatever the hell your argument is. (Although, ironically, when the issue comes to either abortion rights or gay marriage, y'all want to slap a whole bunch of laws all over that shit. Which makes no sense to me at all, but that's neither here nor there.) But is this really all that different than being required to pass a test before you can get a driver's license, or laws that require car seats to keep your kids safe? I don't see anyone at the DMV with a protest sign, claiming that their personal freedom is being infringed upon.

I'm not unsympathetic to the family in this tragedy. Obviously I have no idea what it's like to lose a child - there are other people out there who know that type of pain, and I'm truly thankful that I don't. I don't think they're bad people, I'm sure they had a gun because they wanted to keep their family safe. But to not only have lost a child, but to also know that you're the one who brought home the weapon that killed your child? I don't know how you go on with your life after that. There has to be something that can be done to prevent these types of tragedies from occurring. There just has to be.

Cindy has lived in the Triangle since August 2008. Originally, she's a Southern native (Mississippi girls, holla!) who spent the better part of the last decade in Seattle, where she met a cute British guy, married him, and had a beautiful baby girl. Since they had a kid, they decided that Seattle was too far away from their families, so they relocated. They're enjoying life in NC, even though they both whine about the heat during the summer. Cindy blogs at PooBou.com, and is @poobou on Twitter.

Making Beautiful Music Together

When I was four years old, my mother took me to Kindermusik classes -- some of the first in the U.S. My mom then became my first piano teacher, starting me on lessons that would last through three other teachers until I graduated high school. Later, my mom became a Musikgarten teacher, singing and dancing with other moms and babies.

Given that history, and the fact that my kids really love all sorts of music and dancing, I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit that I finally took Junius and Pippi to our first music class last week. But better late than never -- all three of us had a great time singing, playing, dancing and jumping along with Ms. Angela and the nine other mommies and 12 other children. In addition to being great fun in a musical learning environment, it's also one of the few activities I could take the kids to at the same time -- not a lot of kids programs are open to both a 4-year-old and a 19-month-old.

During the class, Ms. Angela encouraged all the mommies to sing regularly to their children. "No matter what you think your voice sounds like," she said, "your children will think it's the most beautiful sound they've ever heard." I liked that advice and decided this was a good time to stop listening to NPR in the car and start singing along with our new Music Together CD.

So on our way to Nanna and PopPop's house last week, I put in the disc -- the kids were smiling and clapping and trying to sing along. And I'm thinking what a great mommy I am that I can take them to this fun class and then sing with them in the car and how happy they must be to hear my beautiful voice.

Then Junius pipes up from the back seat. "Mommy," he says. "When you are singing...?"

And I'm waiting for him to say how much fun it is when I sing and he can sing and Pippi is learning to sing and how much he loves me...

"Mommy, when you are singing," he says, "I can't hear the music. Mommy, please don't sing."

His comment left me speechless, thus having the desired effect.

I'm just hoping he won't complain when I start singing even louder in class this week.

When Cyndi isn't offending her son by trying to sing with Music Together, she and her kids like to rock out with Big Bang Boom, They Might Be Giants and Barenaked Ladies. She can also be found writing at Junius & Pippi Take the Cake.

Type A Mom Conference, Rock Star Style

Thursday morning, I said goodbye to my baby boy for the first time, and hit the road with Abby for the Type A Mom Conference in Asheville. As I confessed on my own blog, I was tentative, and made the decision to go mainly on the low cost and location.

For bloggers who aren't looking to connect with marketers or advertisers, sometimes the blogosphere, especially the mommy blogosphere becomes a little clouded, and the idea of attending a conference can be confusing.

"What? You mean you just want to write? You don't want a sponsor? You don't make money from your blog? You don't do giveaways? You don't want free products to review?"

There are a lot of us out there who don't.

There are a lot of us who do things, just because we like the idea of spreading joy and sharing good blog karma. Hopefully, our little RockBand party did just that because I know that getting to spend the weekend with the most amazing women on the internet did me a world of good.

And, no, we weren't sponsored by Nintendo or Activision. We were sponsored by our husbands who let us haul all that stuff with us to Asheville, just so we could have a good time with all the gals. I can't even say we were sponsored by the hotel, although they did bring us a nice TV into Mulligan's to use after lots of begging, boob showing, and eye batting.

Thank you to everyone who came by the bar and played with us. Also, thank you to everyone who ignored our Tweets that kept coming through saying we were getting ready to play and then didn't. We had a heck of a time finding a TV in the hotel that was made post-1973.

Triangle Mama's own Ilina, on guitar.

Triangle Mama's own Abby, on screaming vocals.

Triangle Mama's own Marty, reliving her rockstar days, but this time on drums.

We were joined by a host of others, and I would really like to link to each and every one of you, so if your picture appears here without some linky love, please leave me a comment and I'll add it. Or, of course, if I have mislabeled someone. I just couldn't meet and remember everybody who came by!

Ilina, Cutest Kid Ever, and Jessica get down with their bad selves.

MomSpark founder Amy on guitar. Heavy metal black fingernails were a bonus.

From left to right we have Gina from Moneywise Moms, who was also Julie the cruise director for a good part of the evening. She knew how to work the Wii better than anyone. That's Corrina, Down to Earth Mama, and Caroline, Morningside Mom, on background vocals, while Modern Mami and Jessica lead the choreography.

Amy, Resourceful Mommy, had a hand up as a former percussionist, or a stick up as the case may be.

Jon Bon Jovi never sounded better. This fabulous duo of Janine of Twin Mom Blog, and Jessica of Jessica Knows tore up "You Give Love a Bad Name." It was tres awesome.

Plus, Janine was also the brilliant blogger who brought up the point in the town hall meeting that now, whenever she mentions something on her blog that she likes, she feels like she has to disclose that she wasn't sponsored or paid to talk about it. Which I totally agree with, and already had to do in this post.

So thank you again, ladies, for playing with us and making this past weekend spectacular. It was an honor to spend it with you all.

Marty also blogs about her non rockstar life at Don't Take the Repeats. She rambles in 140 or less on Twitter as canape.

Pizza Nostalgia

Even though Thomas Wolfe, himself a Tar Heel, said you can't go home again, I always like to try anyway when it comes to Chapel Hill. I spent four years there as an undergrad, then returned five years later for graduate school.

Over the years, one restaurant retained my unfailing loyalty:
Pepper's Pizza.

A couple weeks ago I had a work-related meeting in Chapel Hill, so I took the opportunity to head to the Hill early and treat myself to lunch at Pepper's. It's been a few years since I had eaten there, and I knew that the restaurant had changed locations, moving up Franklin Street a few spaces from its original site (shown here). I was nervous, hopeful, a little skeptical -- but I needed to know if it was still My Pepper's.

As I enjoyed my lunch (my "usual": diet coke, side salad no peppers no onions with ranch dressing, and a slice with zucchini and feta) which was thank goodness exactly wonderfully like it had always been, I had to laugh about how much things have changed.

Of course, the space is new -- much brighter and less grunge than the old space, with four televisions mounted on the walls. The wait staff still looked college-town-quirky, but none of the employees had multi-colored hair, large tattoos or excessive piercings. And even the music was different -- instead of head-banging alternative noise, I actually heard "Walking on Sunshine" (although, to be fair, that is one of my all-time favorite songs -- seriously, click the link and thank me later for putting that feel-good tune in your head and a skip in your step).

But what had really changed? Me.

Instead of walking up to Franklin from class or the dorm with a group of friends, I drove to the parking garage and ate alone with a magazine (and enjoyed it! how else would I get to read The New Yorker in peace?). Instead of wearing jeans and a t-shirt with birks, I was in suit trousers, dressy top, pearls and heels -- professional attire for my meeting, of course. After lunch, when the waitress shooed me back to my table (apparently you don't pay at the counter in Fancy Pepper's), I handed her my AmEx card instead of a wad of change and bills out of the pocket on my backpack.

But the salad was still the right balance of lettuce, tomatoes and mozzarella with just the right amount of dressing. And the pizza still has that perfect-not-too-thick-not-too-thin crust with just enough sauce, thinly sliced veggies and salty feta cheese. And the diet coke, refilled at exactly the right moment, still comes with that delightful pebbly ice.

So I decided I'm okay with the changes at Pepper's because the food is what matters most. And I'm more than okay with the changes in me because it's a good life I've got here -- even if I did look a bit dorky at lunch.

Cross-posted at Junius & Pippi Take the Cake. When Cyndi isn't eating in Chapel Hill, she likes her pizza from Lilly's or Moonlight.